Hawaii Wellness Institute

Self-judgement by Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

2010-10-15T17:37:00.000-07:00

Do you ever find yourself feeling a sense of futility about having spent years "working on yourself" only to find that you still "act out"? How different would your life be if you replaced the judgment of those behaviors with an understanding that they are a natural dimension of the human experience? Jealousy, apathy, or anger aren't wrong or bad, they are not indications of having failed in any way. It is natural to experience the full spectrum of human emotions. It is the judgment of those emotions that wreaks havoc on your peace of mind! The next time the shadows of your personality appear, try simply tending to them in the same way you might do with hair or nails that are growing out of control.

Upcoming Classes

Untherapy: Software for the Soul

This course provides the structure necessary to re-script your inner and outer life. Learn where and how you sabotage your dreams and learn how to eradicate old patterns that keep you stuck. Fuel your self-confidence and renew your vitality and enthusiasm in an intimate, small-group setting with Sunny Massad, author of UnTherapy: A Positive Psychology for Enlightened Living.

Saturday October 23 noon-4:00 $50 Kapiolani Women's Center
1907 South Beretania Street Honolulu 535-7000

Self Hypnosis and Meditation

Instructed by Sunny Massad, Ph.D., counselor and hypnotherapist. Learn to develop the right side of your brain to enhance inspiration and creativity. Learn to reduce anxiety, relax, sleep better and improve self-discipline.

Saturday October 30 1:00-4:00 $35 Kapiolani Women's Center
1907 South Beretania Street Honolulu 535-7000

Projecting Self-Judgment Outward by Sunny Massad

2010-08-21T15:18:00.000-07:00

go to the following link to watch Sunny talk about Judgment
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNuqOHXiDkQ

The one minute video clip above poses an essential question: "Are the judgments we hold about others and the world a reflection of judgments we hold about ourselves?" I counsel successful people who rarely feel like they have accomplished enough, and, in fact, suffer from self-loathing.

If you have been unable to accept or be content with your life lately, I invite you to re-evaluate your life. Join me for a 3-hour session to Learn How to Counsel Yourself on Sunday, August 29 from 1:00 - 4:00pm. You will have an opportunity to re-evaluate what you believe and create a personal plan to insure that you in accordance with your own sense of integrity. Because I consider this class to contain the most essential skills that I teach, I keep the cost at just $45. Whether you have taken it before or not, it is definitely worth your while to come and get a tune up! Call 808-848-5544 to register.

The deadline to get into this class is Tuesday August 24. Hope to see you there!

Implementing Your Vision by Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

2010-07-26T14:31:00.000-07:00

Creating a ReInvent Yourself Network to Take One Another
through the Next Step & Beyond

On May 27, ten enthusiastic women gathered at the Hawaii Wellness Retreat House for our first gathering of the ReInvent Yourself Network. We met once a week for 8 weeks, each donating 3 hours a week toward a common goal. But we also each set an intention about how we individually wished to evolve, and set upon a journey of peer mentoring one another, at each meeting, as well.
We committed to participate in shaping our own fates, rolled up our sleeves, and went to work.
Transformation happens rapidly with routine meetings that keep task lists flowing and follow through high.
If you would like to put the call out to create your own ReInvent Yourself Network, here were the steps that we took.
1. Emailed an invitation to help me to manifest my vision.
2. Selected a dream team of the most available, reliable, entrepreneurial spirits.
3. Sent another email with potential dates and times & then set the date for the first gathering.
4. Prepared a Mexican dinner and mango margaritas as the kickoff for the first gathering. (The 1st meeting requires relaxing time for people to bond).
5. Passed out a task list of each task I needed help with.
6. Provided folders with further details about each task to individuals and teams.
7. Met every Thursday night to report what we each had done that week .
8. Checked in with each person about how we could support each of our visions during our time together.
9. Became bonded with everyone in deep and meaningful ways.
10. Made decisions about who would like to proceed and in what way.
If you need a serious boost, consider inviting your friends and associates to create a Network. It nourishes the hearts of everyone involved.

Learn How to Counsel Yourself and Others
August 29, 2010
1:00 - 4:00
$45

I teach this class twice a year because I think it's the most valuable skill that anyone can have to alleviate their own suffering. Although this class is an introductory course to the Counselor Certification Training, it is our most popular class and proves to be beneficial for anyone interested in learning how to reverse worry and solve problems. You will experience a demonstration of a wellness counseling session with a volunteer from the audience and then have an opportunity to counsel yourself using the technique. If you are interested in learning how to reframe the negative in yourself, your children, or whiney friends, or if you are a manager, and would like to learn how to help in a manner that is appropriate for the workplace, reserve a seat at this workshop.

For those interested in our more in-depth 64-hour Counselor Training & Certification program, you will learn how it compares to other psychology programs, how much you can earn as a part or full time peer counselor, and how alleviating suffering is emancipating to the soul.

to register go to: www.hawaiiwellnessinstitute.org/coursesandeventsregistration.html

The Problem with Goals by Sunny Massad

2010-07-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

The mind is rarely satisfied. Almost nobody believes that they have enough of one thing or the other The feeling of not having or being enough drives the belief that more is needed, regardless of how much there already is. In the land of “not enough-ness” the future provides hope for the day when you will finally feel like you are enough, have enough, and do enough. And won’t it be wondrous? When that time of your life arrives, you will finally be able to relax and enjoy.

People can spend their entire lives attempting to satisfy internal needs by external stimuli, substances, or experiences that only provide temporary relief. A craving for a sense of self-worth, for example, cannot be permanently satisfied with job status, an impressive car, or a house in a nice neighborhood. Such things are certainly lovely to possess, but unless they are accompanied by an innate sense of value and joy in the present, even the most luxurious lifestyle may only provide momentary reprieve from the universal, primal desire to feel whole.

The next time you find yourself hardly breathing because you are chasing so quickly after the next goal, bring full awareness to the feeling. Reflect on what that feeling is attempting to communicate to you. In what way is it trying to bring you back to balance? Sometimes, life circumstances require abandoning the sense of urgency and replacing the “I want what I want when I want it” demand with the cultivation of patience and the remembrance to be grateful for all that you already have.

Here's to a enjoying some summer fun! Join me for an intimate 2-hour tea and discussion about how to ReInvent Yourself without feeling burdened or effortful. You will have an opportunity to meet some interesting women, to listen to inspiring stories, and to tell your own if you feel to share. We'll brainstorm ways to help one another take our work to the next level and I'll bring copies of UnTherapy for anyone who wants to get a signed copy.

Inspiring Women. Transforming Lives.
A thought provoking Afternoon Tea at Tea at 1024
Sunday July 11, 1:00 - 3:00pm, $22
call 521-9696 for reservations

Hurry Up and Wait! The Story of an Attempt to Release My Book by Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

2009-10-23T20:02:00.000-07:00

Have you ever hurried to get something done in a timely manner only to realize that no matter how much you try, life events derail you?

My students and clients have been hearing about my upcoming book for 7 years. During that time, I launched the Hawaii Wellness Institute, which, because it is a nonprofit organization, required as much attention as a high maintenance mistress. Just about the time that the paperwork was in order and we had gotten into a comfortable groove, my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I spontaneously moved her to Hawaii to care for her during her last six months of life. She was so enchanted with the aloha spirit here that she lived another 2 years and 2 months. The book, obviously, had to wait.

I'll spare you the numerous detours this adventure has taken and fast forward to this year. The book was written and edited. I hurried things along to be sure it would be ready to release this fall. But last week I was disappointed to hear that I needed to delay the release until the holidays.

I have a little rock that sits under my computer monitor that has one powerful little word engraved into it: "Patience." I have learned that regardless of drive and intention, sometimes we just have to go with the flow.

BOOK READING AND SIGNINGS
There will be free book signing opportunities in Honolulu and each Hawaiian island, Seattle, Lopez Island, San Francisco, Marin County, Santa Barbara, Orange County, and Los Angeles in January, February and March. I will read from the book, demonstrate UnTherapy with audience members, and sign books at each event. The first event will be at the ING Direct Cafe in Waikiki on Friday, January 8 at 5:30pm. You will receive an announcement for this and all events prior to each one.

PRE-ORDER SIGNED COPIES TO BE MAILED TO YOU
If would like to pre-order one or more signed copies of the book to receive in December, click on this link: http:/www.hawaiiwellnessinstitute.org/book.htm

WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING ABOUT UNTHERAPY

"UnTherapy is a refreshingly easy to understand 'how to' workbook that not only captures the essence of enlightened living but also offers practical tools for overcoming self-imposed suffering." Wally Amos, Founder of Chip and Cookie

"Unlike the morass of self-improvement books, this book carries with it one essential principle: you are not broken, damaged or wounded for life. You are a human being who is a work in progress." Gerald Jampolsky, M.D., Co-Author of A Mini Course for Life

"UnTherapy is a succinct, practical, no-nonsense workbook that explains how to master self-compassion, personal responsibility, and meditative awareness." Tom Greening, Ph.D., Editor, Journal of Humanistic Psychology

“I love good self-help books that give practical advice and tell me something new. Sunny Massad’s UnTherapy pulls out the plug on a lot of old stories. Read this book and help yourself to heal." Alice Anne Parker, Author of Understand Your Dreams and The Last of the Dream People.

“This is a great ‘how-to,’ 'get real with your issues' workbook that helped me with a healthy and successful lifestyle change." Jane Pascual, News/Public Affairs Director, Cox Radio Hawaii

"If you are looking for answers to your spiritual quest or want to know your indomitable innate qualities, then you must read UnTherapy! After you have read UnTherapy, I assure you that you will feel spiritually lighter, ethically cleaner, emotionally happier, and physically younger." Lama Wangchuck

"UnTherapy: A Positive Psychology for Enlightened Living is intended to correct personal self-neglect and offer peace of mind for those caught on the treadmill of curing, fixing, healing, acquiring, and improving. Too many of us drag through harried days, just trying to survive without being able to thrive or understand our true motivations. Using a blend of Eastern and Western philosophies, brief 2-3 page sections, and ample self-reflective exercises Dr. Sunny Massad provides readers with a psychological and wellness-based "owners manual." B. Eliot Cole, M.D., M.P.A., Executive Director, American Society of Pain Educators

"Sunny Massad not only provides practical ways to make your life calmer, more peaceful, and stress-free, but if you actually use this book as a guide, it will help you to create more meaningful relationships with yourself and with others." Sam Horn, Author of Tongue-Fu

"This book belongs in the hands of anyone who obsessively texts, e-mails, phones, and abuses their thumbs in a constant quest for more, more, more. Instead, use your hands to hold this book, turn these pages, and receive the experience of 'enough' that Sunny Massad offers." Pam Chambers, Author of Public Speaking Made Easy

"Dr. Massad's book is true preventive medicine and a must read for patients who are prepared to see life as it truly is; free of the excess baggage we so often carry. Each chapter is a mercurial key that opens and enlightens the reader to another facet of life's self-imposed burdens on the path to joyful and calm abiding." Ira D. Zunin, M.D., M.P.H., Medical Director, Manakai O Malama Integrative Health Care Group and Rehabilitation Center

"Sunny Massad has developed a no-nonsense approach to restoring passion and peace of mind that is fundamental for students who are determined to ‘make societal contributions through the starting of new things.’ This is why the Hogan Entrepreneurial Program will now count on this book as one of our ‘must reads.’"
John Webster, Ph.D., Director, Hogan Entrepreneurial Program, Chaminade University

“We are all neurotic in one way or another. It’s just part of the human condition. UnTherapy teaches us to accept our neurosis with compassion, while not letting it rule our lives. Throughout the book she includes simple, yet crafty exercises that are designed to change the way you think about yourself, your judgments and your “issues.” The exercises force us to take responsibility for ourselves, to be our own nurturing parent and best friend." Brian Samo Ross, Author of Talking to God without Calling Long Distance

"Sunny Massad's UnTherapy is a breath of fresh air that reveals the truth: you are enough, right now. If you are ready to be fulfilled, satisfied and at peace with yourself and your life, then this book is a must read." Linda Giles, Author of The Big Hunger

"UnTherapy is exactly what we need at this time in history. It's time to stop talking and start listening. Stop doing and start being. Stop getting and start giving. This book provides inspiration, support, encouragement and tools to do just that. It is not a book to speed-read, put aside, and forget. Its short sections are to be savored, their taste to linger on our minds, seep into our consciousness, and flavor our way of life." Makana Risser Cha, Author of Hawaiian Massage Lomilomi: Sacred Touch of Aloha

"This book will serve all of us in those moments when we get stuck in limiting stories; especially those stories that nourish a false identity hell-bent on survival -- very often using self-improvement programs to stay intact in a bizarre twist of egoic logic. UnTherapy gently invites us to see through this self-deception." Kriben Pillay, Author of Radical Work

"Sunny Massad's fresh view on the addiction to self-improvement is laced with useful quotes. UnTherapy can be carried in a purse, briefcase or backpack to inspire and to lighten mental baggage wherever your day takes you. Great gift idea to yourself, your friends, and whoever else could use a step to access the light within." Dr. Rico Provasoli, Author of Golf Between The Ears

Reframing Mistakes by Sunny Massad

2009-09-22T16:57:00.000-07:00

"No one ever has it all together. That is like trying to eat once and for all."
Marilyn Grey

Westerners have adopted a linear concept of life that perceives improvement, progress and evolution as end goals. A visual representation might look something like this:

Past Present Golden Future
Mistakes Not quite Good Enough Finally Free

But in the East, the wheel of life is a symbol of circular motion. Change occurs on the wheel in the same way that the seasons change. There is no sense of improvement or progress. Just as the seasons move from one to another, each season of life brings aspects that contribute to the perfect balance of nature. How different would your life be if mistakes and failures were perceived as a part of the natural continuum? Learning to accept that human weaknesses and foibles are a natural part of the journey of life eliminates the shame that results from not measuring up to one’s own standards. Shame and embarrassment arise whenever someone feels that they have failed to progress to the advanced stage of “finally getting it right.” A mistake is no disgrace. Identifying the lessons learned from making mistakes takes the sting out of making them.

Exercise

Identify a mistake you once made.
What did you learn from that experience?

Example: I got caught stealing
The embarrassment and humiliation that resulted has caused me to never steal again.

If you are interested in learning more about how to reframe "negative" experiences so that those experiences serve as a firm foundation upon which to build your future, consider taking the upcoming 3-hour Learn How to Counsel Yourself and Others class, the UnTherapy Experience, the Wellness Counselor Training, or the Wellness Practitioner Trainings as described below.

LEARN TO COUNSEL YOURSELF AND OTHERS
You will experience a demonstration of a wellness counseling session with a volunteer from the audience and then have an opportunity to counsel yourself using the technique. If you are interested in learning how to reframe the negative in yourself, your children, your friends, or, if you are a manager, and would like to learn how to help someone in a manner that is appropriate for use in the work environment, reserve a seat at this workshop. For those interested in our more in-depth 64-hour Counselor Training & Certification program, you will learn how this program has changed lives.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
1:00 – 4:00pm
Hawaii Wellness Retreat House
Tuition: $45
Pre-registration Required Register Online or call 848-5544

UNTHERAPY: THE CONSCIOUS ALTERNATIVE
This course provides the structure necessary to re-script your inner and outer life. You will learn where and how you sabotage your dreams and learn how to eradicate old patterns that keep you stuck. If you are ready to crystallize your most heartfelt dreams, fuel your self-confidence, and renew your vitality and enthusiasm, this may very well be the next step for you. This training provides a rare opportunity to work with Sunny Massad in an intimate, small-group setting. This class is the morning session of the upcoming Wellness Counselor Certification Training, and is ideal for anyone who is not particularly interested in learning skills to coach, counsel or mentor others. It is a 24-hour transformational experience that is presented over the course of eight Sundays.
8 Sundays, October 25 - December 20, 2009
10:00 AM to1:00 PM
Hawaii Wellness Retreat House
Tuition: $699
"...the last eight weeks have changed my life. I felt like I was waiting for a crucial piece of the puzzle to help me realize my dream and there you were holding it. Thank you for offering it in a way that was safe and comfortable." -Jackie Wah
Pre-registration Required at least seven days in advance: Register Online or call 848-5544

UNTHERAPY FOR CHANGE (OR PROFIT): THE WELLNESS COUNSELOR CAREER TRAINING AND CERTIFICATION PROGRAM
This professional training is designed for anyone interested in gathering counseling skills to enhance their resume, beef up managerial skills, or create a private practice. This 64-hour counselor training prepares you to counsel others as a life coach, personal development consultant, and peer mentor. If you want to create or realize an important personal or professional dream or to help others empower themselves, this class may be for you. You will cultivate the focus necessary to routinely care for your own physical well-being, nourish your own emotional needs, and insure your own financial security, so you can become a living example of a wellness lifestyle. For more information about the training, click on this link:http://hawaiiwellnessinstitute.org/b_wellness_01values.html
Essays and applications will be accepted for this training until 10 days before class begins. There is a $100 application fee. This course is conducted as a teleconferencing experience, so distance learning opportunities are available. Call 848-5544 for further details.
8 Sundays, October 25 - December 20, 2009
10:00am-6:00pm
Hawaii Wellness Retreat House
Tuition: $1,650 plus $100 Application Fee
Applications due at least 10 days in advance
"Very thorough. I did not expect to learn as much as I did. I loved all the handouts--very easy to understand although they were very deep and meaningful. Sunny really connects with the group--great sense of humor. Sunny's class surpasses any class I have ever taken." -Shauna Mazza
Pre-registration Required at least seven days in advance: Register Online or call 848-5544

HOW TO START AND MARKET YOUR NEW BUSINESS AS A WELLNESS PRACTITIONER: A TRAINING FOR UNCONVENTIONAL ENTREPRENEURS If you need to become clear about what you want to create in your personal and professional life and then be personally mentored about how to launch yourself, this is a 21-hour training for anyone in the wellness profession who is just starting a business, hasn't started one yet but needs to build some momentum, or anyone who has attempted their own business but has given up and wants to give it another try. It is also designed for people who don't have a clue about how to venture out on their own and don't know whether their idea will result in full time or part time income.
This course is a customized mentoring program that focuses on how to create or expand a client base on a shoestring budget. It is designed to give you a boost in confidence by placing a foundation under your dreams. You will end up with a strategic business and marketing plan that is grounded in reality, yet remains in alignment with your own values, passions, and creativity. If you are curious about whether this training might be helpful to you, call for a free phone consultation.
Applications will be accepted until 10 days before the class begins. This class is conducted as a teleconferencing experience, so distance learning opportunities are available. Call 848-5544 for further details.
7 Wednesdays, October 28 - December 9, 2009
6:00pm - 8:30pm
Hawaii Wellness Retreat House
Tuition: $899
Accepting applications until 10 days before the start of class
“These classes were especially powerful for me in recognizing possible barriers to my success, and gave me confidence, skills, tools and concrete ideas--moved me into action." -Janet Eblen, Family Support Worker
Pre-registration Required at least seven days in advance: Register Online or call 848-5544

UnTherapy: A Positive Psychology by Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

2009-09-04T18:20:00.000-07:00

Many people wake up in the morning with negative thoughts about the day ahead. Such thoughts, day after day, can beat your spirit down despite the fact that some people consider whining to be the first step in the change cycle. It's my contention that negative thoughts are not only unnecessary; they can actually sabotage a sense of motivation.

A client of mine was whining about being broke the other day. She realized that if she shifted her perception to focus on the savings she still had instead of all that she had lost, and if she compared her life to the lives of others who lived so much less comfortably than she did, she would gain a broader perspective and feel wealthy in many otherwise unforeseen ways. She realized that if she actually wanted to have more money, she could certainly stop spending and even get her little side business going; both behaviors that were well within her control. She calmed her own fears and felt more at peace with where she was. She has since stopped complaining about her money woes and is presently in a taking action phase.

Imagine how different your life would be if you were not burdened by the fears, worries, and judgments of the ego/mind? Most people realize that it is within their power to change old, unconscious habits but simply don't know HOW. Change requires awareness. Each time you hear your mind begin to complain, worry, or criticize, ask yourself how it is that you would prefer for things to be? Sometimes it's best to change circumstances and other times it's best to change our perceptions. Make a list of what will need to change in your own beliefs and behaviors to shape your life in a way that will make your heart sing. Start with a commitment to stay aware of your thought processes for just one day, and then two, and three. This will train your mind to begin looking for solutions rather than endlessly dwelling on the problem.

Take the challenge and let us know how different your life feels after just a few whine-free days! If you want to know more about the UnTherapy process, attend our introductory Learn to Counsel class.

LEARN TO COUNSEL YOURSELF AND OTHERS with Sunny Massad, Ph.D.
If you are interested in learning how to reframe the negative in yourself, your children, your friends, or, if you are a manager, and would like to learn how to help someone in a manner that is appropriate for use in the work environment, reserve a seat at this workshop. You will experience a demonstration of a wellness counseling session with a volunteer from the class and then have an opportunity to counsel yourself using the technique. For those interested in our more in-depth 64-hour Counselor Training & Certification program, you will learn how this program differs from PSI, Lifespring, and other coaching programs.

Saturday, September 26, 2009
1:00 – 4:00pm
Hawaii Wellness Retreat House
Tuition: $45
Pre-registration Required at least four days in advance:
Register Online at Courses and Events Registration or call 848-5544

Harnessing Time by Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

2009-07-30T17:44:00.000-07:00

Is freedom anything else than the right to live as we wish? Nothing else.
Epictetus

Some people truly function well under pressure. Others think they are functioning well but don’t realize the toll that daily stressors are taking on their bodies and minds. And still others are actually running on fumes: scrambling to make ends meet and juggling more than they can possibly handle. But “demands” on our time are not really demands. They are the result of conscious or unconscious choices about what we each have deemed to be important. There are always exceptions to the rule, of course, but generally, although it might not feel like it, we do have choices about how to spend our time. But many people get caught up in the unconscious cycle of hurrying and worrying in an attempt to juggle far too many activities.

If you enjoy and can afford to live in the fast lane, by all means, relish the experience. But if you suffer physically, emotionally, or spiritually as a result of your lifestyle, determine how you can best have the life you want without sacrificing your well-being. Luckily, activities, like beliefs, can be re-evaluated when they no longer serve you.

Back in the 1960’s, Martin Heidegger warned that a left brain dominant society would contribute to “man’s forgetfulness of being,” leaving little room for contemplation or appreciation of the wonders and mysteries of life. If you are time-starved, try logging how you spend your time over a seven-day period. You might be amazed to discover how much free time you actually dwindle away. The prescription to reverse such maladies, of course, is to get out of your head by engaging in outdoor activities, using your hands to do something creative, or sharing a fun or meaningful time with friends. Harness your time and enjoy your summer!

Reprogram Your Mind for a Change by Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

2009-06-12T18:56:00.000-07:00

Studies show that we have about 50,000 thoughts per day, and 90% of them are repetitive. Other research indicates that 77% of everything that most people think about is negative, self-damaging, and counterproductive. It’s challenging to stay optimistic and enthusiastic when the mind keeps repeating the same fear based thoughts over and over again.

The first step to break this cycle of destructive thinking is to become more aware of what thoughts are running through your mind. Witnessing your thoughts requires stepping back and listening to what you are telling yourself. This can take vigilance because the ego identifies with those thoughts. The most obvious time to practice is when you feel off center. Notice how your thoughts affect your feelings. Even if your thoughts are accurate, they may not be in your best interest in the long term. Generally, the mind will sacrifice quality of life for the smaller joys of immediate gratification unless it is programmed otherwise.

You can also challenge your own thinking. For example, let's say that last night you got motivated start a new exercise routine but now that it's time to begin, you feel apathetic. You notice that you are telling yourself that you “don’t have time, it’s too hot, you’re not in the mood.” Try asking yourself: "Is this thought true?" It may be true that it's hot and that you're not in the mood but you have already committed to MAKE the time and you know that to create a new routine requires doing things based on your higher values rather than on immediate gratification. You can also try asking yourself: "Is this thought helpful?" There will always be a million and one excuses. The excuses are not helpful. You can acknowledge that they are all good points, and stay focused on the task at hand. Taking ACTION will quiet the thoughts and create a new momentum. How many times have you finally gotten to the beach only to ask yourself, "why did I resist coming? This is so good for my soul!" At that moments, nothing on your "to do" list seems to have much importance at all.

To motivate yourself to make the changes that you want to make in your life requires a positive coach inside your head that replies to the excuses “it’s true that time is tight, but I’ve set aside this hour to exercise and although it’s hot and I’m not in the mood, I’m going to follow through on my commitment to myself because I know how great I’ll feel while I’m exercising and when I’m finished.” Borrow Nike’s slogan and “Just do it!” despite the whining voices in your head.
If you’d like to learn how to master your mind instead of allowing your mind being the master of your life, consider taking the morning sessions of the Wellness Counselor Career Training & Certification Course. Or, if you would like to earn a living by assisting others in their personal transformations join us for the full 8-hour days and become a life coach and counselor. For more information, register for the introductory course:

LEARN TO COUNSEL YOURSELF AND OTHERS IN THESE TRYING TIMES
with Sunny Massad, Ph.D.
If you are interested in learning how to reframe the negative in yourself, your children, your friends, or, if you are a manager, and would like to learn how to help someone in a manner that is appropriate for use in the work environment, reserve a seat at this workshop. You will experience a demonstration of a wellness counseling session with a volunteer from the audience and then have an opportunity to counsel yourself using the technique. For those interested in the more in-depth Counselor Training or personal transformation track of that program, you will learn how this program has changed lives, have an opportunity to see the workbook, and hear about the business opportunities available to coaches during this crucial time of change.

Saturday, June 27, 2009 1:00 – 4:00pm Hawaii Wellness Retreat HouseTuition: $45
Pre-registration Required at least ten days in advance: Register Online or call 848-5544

For more information, visit us online at: http://hawaiiwellnessinstitute.org/Progs_for_ind_home.html

The dates and costs of the upcoming trainings are:

UnTherapy: The Conscious Alternative (the morning sessions)with Sunny Massad, Ph.D.
8 Saturdays, August 8 - October 3, 2009 10:00 AM to 1 :00 PM
Hawaii Wellness Retreat House Tuition: $699
This course provides the structure necessary to re-script your inner and outer life. You will learn where and how you sabotage your dreams and learn how to eradicate old patterns that keep you stuck. If you are ready to crystallize your most heartfelt dreams, fuel your self-confidence, and renew your vitality and enthusiasm, this may very well be the next step for you. This training provides a rare opportunity to work with Sunny Massad in an intimate, small-group setting. This class is the morning session of the upcoming Wellness Counselor Certification Training, and is ideal for anyone who is not particularly interested in learning skills to coach, counsel or mentor others. It is a 24-hour transformational experience that is presented over the course of eight Saturdays or Sundays. Pre-registration Required at least ten days in advance: Register Online or call 848-5544

UNTHERAPY FOR CHANGE (OR PROFIT): THE WELLNESS COUNSELOR CAREER TRAINING AND CERTIFICATION PROGRAM with Sunny Massad, Ph.D.
8 Saturdays, August 8 - October 3, 2009 10:00am-6:00pm
Hawaii Wellness Retreat House Tuition: $1,650 plus $100 Application Fee
Applications due at least 10 days in advance
This professional training is designed for anyone interested in gathering counseling skills to enhance their resume, beef up managerial skills, or create a private practice. This 64-hour counselor training prepares you to counsel others as a life coach, personal development consultant, and peer mentor. If you want to create or realize an important personal or professional dream or to help others empower themselves, this class may be for you. You will cultivate the focus necessary to routinely care for your own physical well-being, nourish your own emotional needs, and insure your own financial security, so you can become a living example of a wellness lifestyle. For more information about the training, click on this link: http://hawaiiwellnessinstitute.org/b_wellness_01values.html

Essays and applications will be accepted for this training until 10 days before class begins. There is a $100 application fee. This course is conducted as a teleconferencing experience, so distance learning opportunities are available. Call 848-5544 for further details.
Pre-registration Required at least ten days in advance: Register Online or call 848-5544

HOW TO START AND MARKET YOUR NEW BUSINESS AS A WELLNESS PRACTITIONER: A TRAINING FOR UNCONVENTIONAL ENTREPRENEURSwith Sunny Massad, Ph.D.
If you need to become clear about what you want to create in your personal and professional life and then be personally mentored about how to launch yourself, this is a 21-hour training for anyone in the wellness profession who is just starting a business, hasn't started one yet but needs to build some momentum, or anyone who has attempted their own business but has given up and wants to give it another try. It is also designed for people who don't have a clue about how to venture out on their own and don't know whether their idea will result in full time or part time income.

This course is a customized mentoring program that focuses on how to create or expand a client base on a shoestring budget. It is designed to give you a boost in confidence by placing a foundation under your dreams. You will end up with a strategic business and marketing plan that is grounded in reality, yet remains in alignment with your own values, passions, and creativity. If you are curious about whether this training might be helpful to you, call a free phone consultation.
Applications will be accepted until 10 days before the class begins. This class is conducted as a teleconferencing experience, so distance learning opportunities are available. Call 848-5544 for further details.
7 Wednesdays August 12 - September 23, 2009 6:00pm - 8:30pm
Hawaii Wellness Institute Tuition: $899
Accepting applications until 10 days before the start of class
Pre-registration Required at least ten days in advance: Register Online or call 848-5544

Being Present, Being Mindful by Roshani Shay, Ph.D.

2009-05-25T18:32:00.000-07:00

Being fully present to any single moment, truly being here now, is as easy as being aware of the next breath, and as difficult. Try a small experiment. While you are reading this paragraph, watch your breath coming into and going out of your body for several minutes. You may want to focus on the air as it passes through your nostrils, or on the rise and fall of your chest, or on the expansion and contraction of your belly—whichever feels most natural. Be fully present to and aware of your breath in any moment. Start now.

How long before your attention is distracted by a sound, a sight, a memory, a body sensation, a thought? Now imagine (or perhaps it is your experience) that you are also in pain—physical, emotional, and/or mental. This really challenges your ability to be present to the totality of each moment. It may seem that all that exists is the pain and that it will last forever. I know this from my own experience with bodily ailments and mental/emotional anguish. Such maladies can feel all-consuming and they don’t seem to allow for much peace.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “What you resist persists?” That seems to be particularly true of pain—it won’t be suppressed or ignored without intensifying or maybe popping up at some other time or in some other place in the body. The next time you are in pain in some way, try another experiment. Instead of focusing on the breath, focus on the unpleasant sensation, whatever it may be. As you breathe your way through it one moment to the next, you may notice that the sensation changes. You may realize that it rises and subsides, appears and disappears, just like the breath. And you may notice that it is not the totality of what is present. A moment of experiencing pain can also be a moment in which there is much else to enjoy—the breeze on your skin, the warmth of the sun, the smell of a flower, the song of a bird, the companionship of a loved one.

My own goal is to be as mindful as I possibly can of the totality of what every moment of my life offers. I may not be able to get rid of my pain, but I can work with it, accept it, become friends with it, know that it is only a small part of my life experience.

When Your Happily Ever After Just Isn't by Dr. Sunny Massad

2009-04-10T15:23:00.000-07:00

Because childhood fairy tales can often result in unrealistic hope and anticipation about living happily ever after with one mate for an entire lifetime, both men and women harbor unconscious expectations about getting all of their needs met by one person. Sometimes, that actually works out. But when it doesn't, I've discovered a remedy: BECOME the partner you always wanted to marry. Whether you are a man or a woman, becoming your own ideal mate will both bring you home to yourself and make you a better partner to others because all of your relationships will emerge from love rather than neediness.

Instead of projecting your needs outward in the hope that someone else will finally save you by giving you what you have always wanted and needed, identify what it is that you want and create it for yourself. If what you want is to be taken care of emotionally and financially, start taking care of yourself emotionally and financially. Once you are intact in those ways, you will be more inclined to attract someone into your life who is also intact in those ways.

Once you can begin to see just how deeply your memories and emotions can have a hold on the way you act and react, it is then that you will stop perceiving yourself and the world through filters of your unresolved past. Unresolved issues can create pain filters in the mind that sabotage clarity.

Healing the wounds of the past is an inside job. If you continue to hurt yourself in ways that others hurt you, if you ignore your own needs, it is almost as though a neon light scrolls across your forehead: “I have needs but I just ignore them and you can too. Although it is uncomfortable, I have become accustomed to being unloved and unlovable. This is who I am.”

When you identify with your wounds, not only do you filter your perceptions through a lens of pain, but you are prone to attract more pain to you. So identify instead with the light of love and joy within yourself. The quality of your relationship with yourself will improve and whether you are with or without a mate, the quality of your life will be enhanced.

If your personal life story is summed up by the song, “Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places,” consider joining me for an upcoming workshop.

When Your Happily Ever After, Just Isn't with Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

Whether you are with someone or alone, employed or working for yourself, confused about how to move forward or clear about your next move, if you are ready to commit to a plan to take you to the next phase of your life, this workshop is for you. This workshop will help you to identify how your personal history shaped the course of your life and then provide the tools to re-script your future. By identifying what happily ever after meant to you when you were younger, remembering the values you held as a teenager and how you imagined your life would be in the future, you will be able to investigate the personal patterns that got established over time, so that you can establish empowering ways to meet your needs.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 5:30 - 8:00 PM ING Direct Cafe at 1958 Kalakaua Avenue
Tuition: $60 ($90 for couples)

Pre-registration Required at least four days in advance: Register Online or call 848-5544

How to Motivate Yourself by Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

2009-04-10T15:20:00.000-07:00

I just read an article that compared going to see a counselor with the eating of good chocolate. Both experiences can be rich and make you feel good. But only an elite few actually know the value of looking within to overcome internal obstacles and sculpt their own lives. Many people actually don't know HOW to chisel away old attitudes or behaviors that no longer serve them. It's not a skill we were taught in the 5th grade, although it would have been a useful one to learn around that age!

Just a small percentage of people know how to motivate themselves to reverse poor choices or turn their fantasies into goals and even fewer actually take advantage of the skills that a good coach or counselor can provide. But self-reflection is the first step necessary to sculpt a life. Taking just a little time to determine how you want to evolve creates a foundation for beginning to clear away the fears and stories that you've been telling yourself and others about why you can't do what you actually would rather be doing.

Most people focus on what they don't want and that keeps them spiraling away from what they actually would prefer to have. If you long to change but have been unable to take the necessary actions to insure you get what you want, begin by identifying an action you need to take but haven't been able to get yourself to do. Now ask yourself some essential questions:

What is it that that action could give you?
How will your life be different if you put the effort it takes into taking that action?
What needs to happen in your attitudes and behaviors in order for you to get moving toward your goal?
What needs to happen within yourself for you to turn your desire into a commitment that you would follow through on?

If you have a history of being unable to succeed on your own but you feel that it's time to turn your hopes and dreams into choices that are finally followed by actions, I invite you to register for UnTherapy for Change, the morning session of the Wellness Counselor Certification Training. Whether you have an interest in counseling others or not, you will learn how to deprogram your early life conditioning, cultivate more effective strategies, and consciously sculpt your future. If you would also like to learn how to coach others to do the same, you would stay for the afternoon sessions, as well. To learn more, consider taking the introductory class:

LEARN TO COUNSEL YOURSELF AND OTHERS IN THESE TRYING TIMES
with Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

You will experience a demonstration of a wellness counseling session with a volunteer from the audience and then have an opportunity to counsel yourself using the technique. If you are interested in learning how to reframe the negative in yourself, your children, your friends, or, if you are a manager, and would like to learn how to help someone in a manner that is appropriate for use in the work environment, reserve a seat at this workshop. For those interested in our more in-depth 64-hour Counselor Training & Certification program, you will learn how this program has changed lives.

Saturday, April 11, 2009 Hawaii Wellness Retreat House
1:00 – 4:00pm
Tuition: $40

Pre-registration required at least four days in advance: Register Online
or call 848-5544

Self-Hypnosis and Meditation

2009-03-14T16:26:00.000-07:00

Be Still and Know
by Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

Meditation gave me the faith that there were other techniques
of self-exploration than the analysis of my thinking mind.
Mark Epstein, M.D.

Contemplative practices have been recognized as an essential element of almost all religions and have been practiced for 5,000 years. The fundamental belief behind all meditative practices is that divinity can be experienced, or accessed by quieting the mind. Meditation promotes a state of profound peace that can be obtained by observing the traffic of the mind, and all of the sensory experiences of the present moment. With eyes open or closed, when the attention is focused on witnessing the activity within the mind, thoughts pass, desires arise and subside, memories surface and fade, and the activity within becomes an observable phenomenon. The method is not designed to provide freedom of the mind. It is designed to provide freedom FROM the mind.

Thoughts might be heard as internal dialogues, perceived as visualizations, or experienced as feeling impressions. The act of observing broadens one’s point of view by revealing character defenses, self-perceptions, ideologies, attachments, hopes and fears. The dedicated observer of the contents of the mind becomes dis-identified with the mind itself and ultimately realizes the presence of the awareness that is beyond the incessant internal chatter. Ultimately, a meditative mind begins to relate to reality as it is, rather than the way it “should be.” Meditation gives access to the consciousness that exists beyond one’s story, even as it includes that story.

Self-hypnosis, on the other hand, is a process that works to recondition early life conditionings or old programming that is no longer useful. Self-hypnosis allows a person to rescript beliefs that result in self-sabotaging behaviors. We hypnotize or program ourselves every day by thoughts that we have. Learning self-hypnosis provides a useful tool to become aware of your own programming so that you can determine whether or not your thoughts and behaviors align with your values.

If you would like to spend three hours learning about and experiencing meditation and self-hypnosis, consider joining me for the upcoming class:

Expanding Your Comfort Zone

2009-02-19T13:57:00.001-08:00

Expanding Your Comfort Zone
by Sunny Massad

Regardless of tough economic times, there are as many reasons to feel good about the future as there are reasons to fear it. You have a choice about whether to use your imagination to worry and contract or to focus on creating an expansive future. I've often said that worry is a misuse of the imagination. The mind conjures up every possible negative outcome and obsesses endlessly about them. Worry and anticipation about the future, like nostalgia and regret about the past, keep the mind obsessing, which results in living a life from the neck up. If you live “in your head” you may have a tendency to get caught in the illusion of “someday I’ll.” “Someday I’ll finally be free. Someday I’ll be able to get my life in order. Someday, when things change, I’ll be able to relax and do what I like.” Granted there are some situations in life which cause you to have to put your dreams and aspirations on hold. If you are parenting young children or care-giving for a disabled or elderly person, it is all you can do to keep up with what the present situation demands. While these examples may not relate to you personally, some people actually sign on for more and more responsibility to insure that they don’t actually ever manage to have free time. There are many reasons for this. Staying busy can serve as a strategy to feel important, to avoid personal reflection, to prevent experiencing “negative” feelings, and to keep from having to tend to other responsibilities. On the other hand, some people keep themselves genuinely busy because they choose to be inordinately responsible for one big or many smaller areas of their lives.

Sometimes, when you are caught in a pattern, whether conditions change or not, you remain the same. Whether you are a depressant who can always find reasons to justify a negative outlook on life or a “doer” who can always find an excuse to stay in a manic lifestyle, obsessive thinking in one direction or the other is generally the cause. As long as the mind generates its ceaseless tirade of fearful opinions, judgments, and drives, you will miss the opportunity to take control of your life.

Managing Your Life Compassionately

2009-02-19T13:54:00.000-08:00

Managing Your Life Compassionately
by Sunny Massad, Ph. D.

Do you have a dream that you simply can't manifest? Are you unable to break out of your limiting beliefs and behaviors to actually start the journey to your ideal life? Do you spend more time and energy insuring that everyone else's needs are met and then discover that you consistently don't have enough time to take care of your own? Are you afraid to speak up for yourself for fear that someone else might feel badly? Such experiences can break a person's spirit.

A life of personal integrity is a life that reflects one's own personal values. If you say you value honesty but you are not honest with your own needs and desires or you break promises to yourself, you diminish your own self worth. If your life does not reflect your true priorities, if you spend your energy avoiding confrontation, and if you continue to do things for people that you don't want to do, you will feel more and more powerless.

Use these three steps to restore your integrity:

Step One: Identify your three highest personal values. Example: health, love, and freedom

Step Two: Write down all of the ways that you would like to spend your free time and energy every day to insure that your life reflects those values. Make the list as specific as possible. Example:

Health Love Freedom

walk at least 30 min day arrange family dinners schedule in beach
time
make a list of healthy meals schedule in date night spend an evening
at the library
create a shopping list organize a monthly save $ every
dinner group month for vacation
eat 8 organic fruits ask for support find a buddy to
and veggies daily with the kids kayak with

trade for regular massages reach out to old friends break ties with toxic
people

Obviously, you may not be able to relate to these particular lists because they may not reflect your particular values, but you get the idea. When you look at your list, it should make your heart sing. There may be items on the list that will be difficult to do at first, like asking others to accommodate YOUR needs for a change, but make 2009 the year that you show compassion for yourself by reclaiming your own lost dreams.

Step Three: Take out your calendar and commit your list to specific dates and times to insure that you will actually manage to do each of the items. Keep it accessible. Look at it often. Rearrange as needed. But commit to meeting your own deadlines. If you don't manage the first time, recommit! It takes practice to break old habits.

The more you practice being true to your own needs and desires, the easier it will be to say "No" to the things that don't reflect your values and the closer you will be to living with integrity.

Emotional Survival 101

2009-02-19T13:50:00.000-08:00

Emotional Survival 101
by Sunny Massad

When I was young, like so many people, I developed strategies to emotionally survive. I conjured a tough persona so that no one would know how truly sensitive and vulnerable I really was. But I discovered that the very strategy that I developed to free me and to keep me safe, actually threw me into emotional bondage. While my intention was to protect my heart from pain, I ended up isolated and alone because I was unable and unwilling to let anyone in.

If you cannot express how you feel or what you believe to someone because you are afraid of their response, you are allowing yourself to be controlled by your own fear. If you have been swallowing your feelings to protect the feelings of others, ask yourself what are you really afraid of? You deserve to be respected for your opinions. But how will anyone ever know who you really are if you do not risk showing them?

If you want to live an authentic, soul-directed life, you will have to stop trying to manipulate others to like and approve of you. You will need to allow them to have their own feelings even if those feelings include disappointment, hurt or anger. When you relinquish control, you will be emotionally free, your heart will sing, and creativity will flow! If people in your life leave you because you are being authentic, they are not kindred spirits. In your authenticity, you will find others who vibrate at the same frequency as you and you will finally be able to experience authentic intimacy.

If you want to explore this subject more deeply, join me on Monday, February 2, for the first of the series of free workshops entitled Coping Skills for Trying Times, followed by a $25 support group for anyone who wants to work experientially. Mark your calendars and call the Hawaii Wellness Institute for reservations at 848-5544. Space is limited, advance registration is recommended.

The location of the following FREE lectures and experiential workshops is the ING Direct Cafe building at 1958 Kalakaua Avenue. If the ING parking lot is full, there is inexpensive paid parking across the street in the old Jack in the Box lot.

Week 1
Emotional Survival 101: Monday, February 2 , 5:30 - 6:15 pm FREE
Learn how to calm your mind, change your feelings, and take charge of your emotional state.
Emotional Survival 101 Motivational Support Group: Monday, February 2, 6:30 - 8:00pm $25
Put what you learned in the free lecture into practice with self-reflection exercises and
experiential learning opportunities.

Week 2
Controlling Anxiety and Insomnia: Monday, February 9, 5:30 - 6:15pm FREE
Learn how to identify and reverse the thoughts that create anxiety and consider alternatives to prescription sleep aids, including self-hypnosis.
Controlling Anxiety and Insomnia Motivational Support Group: Monday, February 9, 6:30-8:00 $25
Take the opportunity to work with your specific issues in a group setting and learn effective strategies used by others.

Week 3
Managing Your Life Compassionately: Tuesday, February 17 , 5:30 - 6:15pm FREE
Learn how to reverse self-sabotaging behaviors by practicing self-care so that you can function more optimally to meet your responsibilities.
Managing Your Life Compassionately Motivational Support Group: Monday, February 16, 6:30-8:00 pm $25
If you don't take good care of your body, join us to get to the root of the self-neglect so that you can become motivated to be and do better.

Week 4
Expanding Your Comfort Zone: Monday, February 23 , 5:30-6:15pm FREE
Learn how to make difficult and scary behaviors safer and more comfortable so you can stretch yourself to do new things.
Expanding Your Comfort Zone Motivational Support Group: Monday, February 23, 6:30-8:00pm $25
You will work privately to identify and resolve the fears that keep you from "living bigger."

Week 5
Turning Apathy into Action: Monday, March 2, 5:30 - 6:15pm FREE
Learn how to lift depression, motivate yourself to get out of a rut, and restore your passion for life.
Turning Apathy into Action Motivational Support Group: Monday, March 2, 6:30 - 8:00pm $25
If you have a habit of procrastinating and you are ready to reverse the habit, this workshop will assist you in creating a plan that works for your own timeline.

Using Your Mind for a Change in 2009

2008-12-16T17:53:00.000-08:00

Using Your Mind for a Change in 2009
by Sunny Massad

There may be many explanations for why you doubt or criticize yourself. You may feel as though you should be further along than you are in some area of your life or that you never quite measure up to your own standards. But if you can use your mind to demean yourself, you can also use it to uplift your spirit. Even if it is outside the realm of your personal experience, your mind is capable of being in service of your dreams and values. Once you learn how, the very act of changing your mind can immediately enhance the quality of your life experience.

The way you think determines how you feel; and how you feel determines how you behave. So if you do not like the course you are on, challenge your thoughts and beliefs; challenge what you tell yourself. But, as you know, making changes requires taking risks. If you want to grow, if you want to challenge yourself, you may have to risk the temporary loss of security, because as soon as you step out of your comfortable patterns, fears can arise. Support and encourage yourself to take risks by providing that extra nudge or kick in the pants to expand your comfort zone.

More often than not, fears relating to change are based on the fact that you don’t have enough information or you don’t have a clear step-by-step plan of how to even get the information necessary to begin. Whether boredom, dissatisfaction, desire for a new experience or crisis motivates you to do what you fear, the first step is mental preparation. Painful and stressful experiences, like the unexpected ending of a relationship or a career, can feel like a slap in the face. But such experiences can also serve as motivators to get you to make positive changes in your life.

If you feel panicky about a change you think you want to make, you might consider plotting out small but consistent steps to prevent you from feeling overwhelmed. Any time you come to a step that is beyond your own ability, you will have to add a step for learning. But even in the planning stages, you can step back to gain perspective. Ironically, despite the fears, you will become more comfortable and confident once you begin!

If you would find it helpful to challenge the beliefs that might sabotage your aspirations for 2009 and then to transform your vision into a plan, join me for my annual workshop to ring in the new year.

Using Your Mind for a Change in 2009
This is a roll-up-your-sleeves workshop where you will spend time in self-reflection and in plotting your vision for the future. You will identify doubts, fears, or other emotions that might arise as you plan, so that you can take steps to insure that those feelings do not prevent you from taking action. You will be given worksheets and exercises to help you to reframe self-sabotaging stories so that you can leave with step-by-step plans for the new year. Please bring a calendar or day planner to write on.

Sunday, January 4, 2009 - 1:00pm - 4:00pm - 1958 Kalakaua Avenue - Tuition: $50
Registration required three days in advance
Call 848-5544 or register online at: http://www.hawaiiwellnessinstitute.org/coursesandeventsregistration.html

Dr. Sunny Massad, a certified hypnotherapist specializing in motivation, utilizes simple NLP (neuro linguistic programming) and self-hypnosis techniques in this workshop. If you need to get motivated but find it difficult to organize yourself alone, this workshop is for you.

Transforming the Economic Challenges of our Time into Opportunities to Grow

2008-11-10T17:07:00.000-08:00

Transforming the Economic Challenges of our Time
into Opportunities to Grow
by
Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

With the downturn in the economy, the upcoming months and years will require each of us to live more fully in the present. The journey ahead can best be viewed as an opportunity to practice the art of detachment. While you may have plans and preferences, flexibility and a sense of humor are required when plans are delayed, cancelled, or diverted. As always, there are experiences and things that you presently desire that you may not manage to acquire, that will only satisfy your needs temporarily when you do get them, or that you decide you really don’t even want after all.

Many people live with a continual tension between where they actually are in their lives and where they think they should be. Many single people want to have partners, most seekers want to become more conscious, and just about everyone would like to have a deeper sense of security. It is the nature of the mind to remain oriented toward future goals. But when life is spent in endless preparations for the next phase, it is easy to miss the beauty of the present. This does not mean that the quest for future fulfillment should be abandoned but it does mean that diverting attention from "what if" to "what IS" will more fully ground you into the present.

When the journey of your life becomes as important as the goals that you hope to realize, relaxation and enjoyment can replace the unattainable promise that someday, once you have enough, once your aspirations are attained, then, finally, you will be happy, fulfilled or secure.

Regardless of whether or not you grew up with the proper love and attention you needed, with or without role models that were capable of making you feel safe and secure, or with too much pressure at too young an age, hardships have and will continue to be overcome. One of the simplest coping skills is the art of focusing on all that is right. Focusing on what you have to be grateful for is far more rewarding than focusing on everything that is wrong, deficient, or in need of improvement. In addition, you will remain aware of the perfection that is life itself, with all its ups and downs. This strategy can help you to remain calm and balanced in the center of any cyclone and will serve your friends, family and community as they seek to take refuge in your very presence.

How Meditation Transformed My Internal Critic

2008-07-09T17:20:00.000-07:00

How Meditation Transformed My Internal Critic
by Sunny Massad, Ph.D.
an excerpt from her forthcoming book: UnTherapy: A Positive Psychology for Enlightened Living

Despite personal triumphs and successes in my life, for many years discontent lurked in the background of my awareness like a nagging parent. An internal voice forever criticized the way I looked and how I performed. I assumed that because my family was broken, I was broken. The more insecure I felt, the more self-deprecating thoughts I had about myself. The more self-deprecating thoughts I had, the more I caused myself to feel inadequate, and thus even more insecure.

I have come to know that inside even the most confident and competent of human beings resides an ever critical voice. I have been driven to find out why this is so and how, despite the sad tales of woe that most everyone can tell of their pasts, the critical judge between the ears might be silenced or transformed.

I dedicated time, money, and energy to the pursuit of perfecting myself. I believed, like so many others, that personal development was a path that ascended upward, so I would inevitably evolve into a permanent state of enlightenment as the result of ”working on” or at least “looking at” myself. This philosophy was based on the fundamental premise that self-improvement was not only necessary, but attainable, and resulted from dedicating time and effort to perfecting the “inadequate” parts of myself. I had not yet learned that aspiring to reach my highest potential was based on the unconscious assumption that I did not have value until I finally reached my goal.

I did not want the white picket fence, the house, the career or even the kids. I wanted peace of mind. I had always believed that if I worked hard enough on myself, took risks, sustained deep relationships, and lived amidst the beauty of nature, I would ultimately outgrow my insecurities. But my fears and judgments often skewed my perceptions and left me feeling as though I would never be good enough, no matter how hard I worked on myself or how wonderful a life I created. This is not a rare experience. It is simply my particular version of an age old story.

Although I was unaware of it at the time, my desire to change and grow, like that of so many others who long to be “fixed” and to be “free,” stemmed from my inability to accept myself, or more precisely, to accept the feelings of vulnerability and fear that I experienced when I lost any familiar structure that provided a sense of security, even if it had been a false one. Although I was an optimist about external things, like always managing to earn enough money to do what I wanted to do, I had been a pessimist about my own internal value. I held a high standard for myself that managed to stay just beyond my reach despite decades of accomplishment. I fell victim to an idealized version of who I believed I should and could become. I should become the embodiment of God, a being I believed would be completely fearless and free of all neurosis. Until I reached my goal, I failed myself. As long as I expected that in the future I would become freer, greater, higher, or more fulfilled, satisfaction eluded me. I was caught in the endless web of chasing after bigger and better desires in the hope that I would find something, someone, or some place that would permanently save me from my insecurities.

I began to question whether self-development, self-improvement or even elevating the health of the personality was the ultimate goal. I would look to the world’s wisest Masters for answers. One of the most profound realizations of my life was the recognition that my identification as a seeker, my commitment to find the Holy Grail some time in the future, deterred me from feeling at peace in the present. My ego was caught up in the chase to “get somewhere.” Because my life was spent in endless preparations for all that I wanted to do, have and become, I missed the beauty and grace of the present and thus the opportunity to feel grateful for everything that was already “right” in my life.

I was raised in a cultural climate that taught me to work hard and be my best, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. Personally, I found the pursuit to be exhausting! But exhaustion provided an excellent foundation for self-discovery and evolution because I ultimately lost interest in curing my endless list of problems. I wasn’t sure if there was a cure for ordinary run of the mill neurosis, of “not enoughness.” I traveled to India and beyond in search of sacred teachings that promised emancipation from the fears and inadequacies of my ego. Through meditative practices, I afforded myself the relief of relaxing into the seemingly infinite, ever present consciousness within that I had been seeking all of my life. Up until then, I could not access it because I was, as the song goes, “looking for love in all the wrong places.” I first became intimately aware of the negative voice inside my head that told me hurtful and even vicious things in an attempt to get me to behave “correctly” during meditation practice. I was humbled to discover that most of my suffering, although I certainly didn’t do it on purpose, had been self-imposed. Although I was not a victim of my past or my parents anymore, I had become a victim of my own self-judgment. Immense compassion arose for the parts of my self that I had once so mercilessly judged. A deep relaxation began to emerge as my fears metamorphosized into a newfound sense of peace. It was finally, for the first time in conscious memory, safe and comfortable to be me.

--------------

Sunny Massad, Ph.D. has been a certified hypnotherapist for twenty years and a meditator for thirty. She has been teaching both disciplines at Kapiolani Women's Center since 1999. If you have already taken the class and wish to take it again as a refresher, all are welcome.

Setting and Keeping Your Intentions in 2008 by Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

2008-01-16T19:14:00.000-08:00

It’s a new year; a perfect opportunity to begin again. Some of us will get a slow start, some of us will sprint our way into it, but all of us will hope we manage to stay focused and balanced this year. The key is to make little changes that will make a big difference in your day-to-day routine. To help you get started, here are four intentions that can help get or keep you on track.

1. Cut Yourself Some Slack. When your best friends falter, you encourage them, you don’t beat them up. Learn to cultivate the same compassion for yourself! The number one reason for self sabotage is perfectionism. If you can’t do something perfectly, do it imperfectly. If you have a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad month, acknowledge that you are off track and recommit to getting back ON track!

2. Coach Yourself. If you have a judge in your head who criticizes you for being indulgent, lazy or distracted from your true intentions, speak to that voice as though it were a nagging spouse: “Thanks for sharing, but you are wrong. I’m not lazy. I’m afraid of failing.” Then practice speaking to yourself more kindly by focusing on what you can do, one step at a time, to insure your success. Every time you catch yourself judging your own behavior, take a deep breath, apologize, and appreciate all that you have been doing right so you can then encourage yourself to keep on track.

3. Move Your Body. Moving every day is an essential aspect of keeping your energy high and your spirit soaring. If you can't bear the thought of hopping on the treadmill, take an invigorating walk on the beach or in the park, take a swim, jump on a mini trampoline while watching television, or turn on some music and dance! If you're crunched for time, break up your walking into ten to fifteen minutes before work, during lunch, while shopping or going to and from your car. Walk up escalators and stairs. There are plenty of opportunities to exercise and your body will reward you for your efforts!

4. Practice Self Kindness. You would take the dog out for a walk every day and insure that he had good food to eat. And if your friend were sick, you’d recommend they go to bed and cozy in until it passes. Practice doing at least that much for yourself! When you begin to take care of yourself at least as well as you take care of a dog or a best friend, you will feel whole and self contained.

Inspiration is an Inside Job by Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

2007-12-12T18:10:00.000-08:00

Everyone has hopes and ideas about how things will be in the future and how long it will take for each desire to be satisfied. And then life presents unexpected detours. Health degenerates, loved ones need assistance, natural disasters occur, egos clash and relationships sever…any number of mishaps can occur along the way. As John Lennon once said, “life is what happens when you’re making other plans.”

Buddhism claims that desire is the cause of all human suffering; that the very nature of wanting causes people to miss feeling fulfilled and at peace in the present. Once a person realizes the futility of chasing after the objects of desire, freedom reigns. This is not to say that you should not have objects of desire or that you should not aspire to attain them. Young people want to be older, poor people want to be richer, single people want to have partners, and on and on it goes. However, you need not sacrifice the quality of your present moment while you are preparing for the future. Planning is a useful and motivating activity as long as you can also remain flexible and maintain a sense of humor when plans are delayed, cancelled, or diverted. True inspiration results in being conscious and aware that your will is only as effective as circumstances allow it to be. If your financial security is threatened, your desire to buy or build a house may be squelched. If your body breaks down or you have a child, you may have to abandon old desires and replace them with new ones that can be generated from your present condition.

Western civilization focuses on chasing after the objects of desire, rather than settling into the feeling of desire itself. Living your life from burning desire, but not for anything in particular, is the key to living an inspired life. Desire is the very source of your inspiration and passion. All creativity arises out of this. Take a moment to think of something that you truly desire. Now, without focusing on the object of your desire, simply feel the pure emotion of desire itself. It might be experienced as a thirst or a longing. When you focus not on the satisfaction you will get in the future once you have attained the object of your desire, but on enjoying the creative process of aspiring, you will embody the classic paradox: the journey itself is the goal.

It is an endless juggling act to keep from becoming too rigid and disciplined or overly self-indulgent and comfortable. Most self-help and “power of positive thinking” books teach that you can design and manifest the shape of your life; whereas both Eastern and Western religions advocate a “not my will but Thine” approach. UnTherapy, a system of counseling I originated back in the 1990's, embraces both approaches. The focus of UnTherapy is to give you access to the feelings that you believe your desires will give you regardless of time and space, and then to strategize what needs to happen in your heart, mind, and circumstances to manifest those desires.

Meditations for Busy People by Roshani Shay, Ph.D.

2007-12-05T18:10:00.000-08:00

My teacher, Osho, used to say that all of the dozens of methods or techniques of meditation, in order to be effective, need to be grounded in the same three indispensable qualities: relaxation, awareness, non-judgment.

First, when you sit down to meditate, make sure that the body is relaxed. There is no need to contort into positions that are uncomfortable. If you do, the body will simply scream for attention through an aching knee or a foot that goes to sleep. Such aches and pains will distract you from a meditative state. It will give the mind things to think about, complain about and this is not meditation. However, relaxation also means making your peace with the activity of the mind, even if it is complaining. Meditation is not about controlling the mind, not about concentration, not about trying to make the mind quiet. It is rather about realizing that while the mind’s job may be to generate thoughts and emotions, you can step back from all of that activity. You can allow it, but not be totally identified with it, or even distracted by it. Therein lies true inner relaxation.

Now, this is where the second quality, awareness, comes in handy. You can take one step back and just watch whatever is happening in your body, in your mind, even in the outside world, as you hear it or feel it when the eyes are closed. In this watching, an interesting insight quite naturally arises. If you can observe your body, your thoughts, your emotions, you are not those things; you are the observer. This gives you a whole new point of view.

Along with the perspective of the watcher, the observer, non-judgment is a critical quality of meditation. Judgments often arise in the mind during meditation. “I am a bad meditator. The person who is making noise outside is so rude. I don’t like just sitting here.” Lots of conversation about what is good and what is bad, what is liked and disliked, may flit across your consciousness. Such thoughts can be a distraction from dropping into a state of meditation, from allowing that state of being where silence and emptiness arise naturally. Or thoughts may simply fade away as you disengage from the content of your thinking and focus instead on your sensory experience, such as, for example, the movement of your breath into and out of your body.

“These are the three things: relaxation, watching, no judgment, and slowly, slowly a great silence descends over you. All movement within you ceases. You are, but there is no sense of ‘I am’ – just a pure space.” Osho

It is this pure, silent space that is the true fruit of meditation. It is this silent center that can allow us to be in our busy, doing lives, but not become trapped in the busy-ness or the doing.

Roshani Shay, PhD. is the Executive Director of the Hawaii Wellness Institute and Co-Director of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Programs of Hawaii. When she discovered meditation in 1984, it provoked a major life transformation which included dropping caffeine and cigarettes, perfectionism, and a compulsion for being a workaholic. Roshani Shay has facilitated meditation workshops for more than fifteen years and is widely known for the way she gracefully moves through challenging situations with effectiveness and relative equanimity.

Becoming an Everyday Buddha by Roshani Shay, Ph.D.

2007-11-07T17:11:00.000-08:00

To be honorable in thoughts, sincere in words, good in deeds is to have the heart of a Buddha.*

There are several qualities of Buddha that many people, even those who are not Buddhist or who are quite secular, admire and aspire to emulate. As we approach the holidays, it may be a good time to consider weaving a few such traits into your everyday life. The following qualities, for example, may ease much of the stress that seems to come our way this time of year: Centeredness; Non-Attachment; Presence; Compassion.

Centeredness—Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.
You find yourself having to do extra work during the rush of the season, kids are hyper, friends and spouses are under as much stress as you are. How do you cope? Your breath is your friend. It is always there, ready to assist you to arrive at that place of peace and calm at the center of your being. Whenever the chaos seems to overwhelm or you feel yourself sliding into an overly emotional reaction take five deep breaths. See if you can breathe from your belly. Feel it swell as you draw a deep breath down through your lungs to the very center of your body and feel it contract as you exhale. Try to make each exhale a real emptying of breath; make it last longer than the inhale, thus making more room for the next in-breath. I guarantee that you will feel more centered, grounded and at peace, as though in the eye of the storm. From this place your actions will flow much more easily and effectively whatever the situation.

Non-Attachment—The contented person, who moves amongst sense objects free from attachment or loathing, gain or loss, wins eternal Peace.
We have so many expectations around the holidays; we especially expect a great deal of ourselves. If we have even the tiniest tendency towards perfectionism it usually reveals itself this time of year. Some people get caught up in wanted to get the perfect present for each person, be the perfect host, cook the perfect meal. The fact is that there is much that is beyond our conscious control. Events and people will be what they will be and we need to realize that wanting to control everything and expecting perfect outcomes is a way of creating our own stress. Could you allow yourself to just enjoy all of the tasks that may be called for this season without worrying about outcomes? Could you try just enjoying the process, without thinking about the end goal? That would surely make for a less stressful time.

Presence—Do not dwell in the past. Do not dream of the future. Concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Many of us are faced with family or friendship dramas around this time of year. Some may get caught in what happened last year or years ago which resulted in lingering feelings of animosity, jealousy, upset, or other strong emotions. See if you can approach each person in a new way this year. Just imagine that you have no history with Uncle John or Grandma Jane or the friend you argued with last week; you might even imagine that you just met them for the first time. Be with them in each present moment and be open to discovering who they are without your perspective being colored by the past. Angst about the future can also drag us out of the present moment. See if you can eliminate or minimize worry or expectations around the future, both short and long term. Just be as present as possible in each moment and see how much more enjoyable people and events can be.

Compassion—Lovingkindness as Thought is Tranquility. Lovingkindness as Speech is Softness. Lovingkindess as Activity is Altruism. Lovingkindness as Practice is Peace.
You may notice that Uncle John is still a bore or Grandma Jane is still hypercritical or you still find it hard to tolerate your friend’s husband in the present moment. This is the time to practice not only presence, but also compassion. It may be that the very function of difficult people is to give us the opportunity to practice compassion! Try saying silently to yourself: “Just like me these people are doing the best they can, given their personalities and the circumstances of their lives. Just like me each person seeks love and understanding. Just like me each person is a child of the universe. Just like me each person is learning lessons. I wish all people to be blessed with safety, happiness, comfort, and love.” Also try having a lot of compassion for yourself this year! You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Above all, whatever challenges this time of year may bring, always remember that they are transient. Nothing is permanent. It helps us greatly in our efforts to become everyday Buddhas to know that the nature of this world is change and each moment is a new moment in which to be as centered, non-attached, present and compassionate as we can.

*All quotations in italics are from a small booklet entitled Heart of a Buddha (amitabhapublications@lycos.com).

How to Attract Abundance by Roshani Shay, Ph.D.

2007-10-16T15:30:00.000-07:00

There were many times when my life didn’t look all that abundant. There were a couple of years when my disabled son and I lived on $2,000 from my graduate school scholarship. Nevertheless, I have wonderfully fond memories of how we created fun at little or no cost during that time. I have always known, somewhere deep inside, that I would always have enough--enough money, enough resources, enough love--in my life. I am not sure where this belief came from or why a young girl from the wrong side of the tracks was so convinced of its truth, but it has been one key to the abundance I have experienced in my life. I eventually ended up making close to $90,000 a year by the time I retired.

Another key to abundance is to have faith in and recognize the fact that the universe always cares for you. Now this is often hard to do, I know. But think about it. Isn’t it true, even though sometimes you don’t understand it until long after the fact, that even the difficult events and situations in your life have moved you to growth through the lessons that you learned? Or maybe they started you on a path to a more abundant life? I recently was told I had to move from a little A-frame which I love, but that very day a relatively luxurious condo showed up for me to move to. You may have perceived events and situations in your life as losses, tragedies or as scarcity, but can’t you instead perceive them as a lessons or even grace at work? Trust the universe to set you on the road to abundance. It provides in so many ways. Can you list ten ways in which abundance has already come into your life?

When was the last time you sat down and made a list, even a small one, of the things you are grateful for? If a belief that you will always have enough and faith and recognition that the universe provides are two keys to a life of abundance, gratitude is a third. When you focus on what you lack or what you dislike in your life, you attract more of the same. When you express gratitude by focusing on what you have and what you like about your life, you will attract more of the same. Take a moment to list five things in your life for which you are grateful. As an experiment, take just a few minutes each day for a week to add five more things to your gratitude list. See what happens when you focus on what you do have, rather than on what you don’t.

Roshani Shay, Ph.D.
Executive Director
Hawaii Wellness Institute
3670 Kalihi Street
Honolulu HI 96819
808-848-5544
hwi@earthlink.net
http://www.hawaiiwellnessinstitute.org/

FAST FOODS AND FITNESS by Sunny Massad, Ph.D

2007-10-16T15:27:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder how you can manage to get through the busy days without throwing off your otherwise good eating habits? Sometimes it's simply a matter of knowing about alternative food choices. For example, if you zip into a drive - through and get yourself a beef burrito with rice, beans, cheese, and salsa, you've managed to consume 1,120 calories and 35 grams of fat. Substitute that with a chicken soft taco or plain bean burrito and you've spent only 300 calories.

The next time you hanker for a hamburger at 660 calories and 36 grams of fat, consider a veggie burger with low fat mayo for a mere 350 calories and 11 grams of fat and notice how you manage to remain satisfied without sacrificing your waistline.

Do you find yourself starving at the end of the day so you stop in a bar for a beer and some nachos? Nachos with beef, cheese, sour cream and guacamole pack a whopping 1,360 calories and 89 grams of fat (more than an entire day's worth of recommended fat in one sitting!) The beer (or any alcohol) may cause you to throw all caution to the wind, and often that's how the weight piles on so quickly, especially through the holiday season.

SUNNY MASSAD, PH.D., comes from a family of women who each weighed over 200 pounds. She enjoys teaching others how eating high fiber, low calorie foods (and that includes snacks, sweets, and restaurant foods) can be a lifestyle that anyone can practice under any circumstances without feeling deprived.

Learn How to Counsel Yourself and Others

2007-08-01T18:52:00.000-07:00

Do you wish you had just a few skills to turn negative conversations you have with yourself and others into a solution-oriented problem solving direction, instead of a bitch session? The trick is in asking the right questions. Unconscious questions like "Why does this always happen to me?" often result in negative unconscious answers like "Because you're just not good enough." This kind of thinking can keep you in an endless cycle of chasing your own tail, often resulting in feelings of inadequacy.

Many people find themselves in the situation of being listeners to the suffering of others and often resort to giving advice. If you've ever done that, or had it done to you, you probably already know that free advice is rarely acted upon! The most empowering thing you can do for the person who is feeling defeated, even if it is yourself, is to listen empathetically and ask positive questions that will result in positive answers. For example: "Considering this has already happened or that it is outside of your control, how would you prefer to respond to this situation to insure that you don’t feel defeated?" Even if it's a cancer diagnosis, creative answers that involve being "pro-active" or "focused on quality of life" can replace prior conclusions that may have resulted in feelings of victimization.

Here are a few tips to help you step into "counselor" mode when you or someone you care about is feeling worried or disturbed about something.

1) Accept your life as a work in progress.
2) Focus on forgiving the past, not because the events were forgivable, but because resentment is so toxic to you.
3) Dwell on all you have to be grateful for. It will help you to trust your future.
4) Abandon the need for outside approval. Live a life that YOU approve.
5) Be compassionate with your emotions. It's okay to feel whatever you feel.
6) Value your own uniqueness so you can value the distinctiveness of those you have conflicts with.

If you are a born listener but don't show the same kind of empathy for yourself or if you would like to learn some practical skills to help yourself or others insure a more positive outcome, join me for a three-hour workshop to learn how to counsel.

LEARN TO COUNSEL YOURSELF AND OTHERS with Sunny Massad, Ph.D.
If you are interested in learning how to counsel yourself, your children, your friends, or, if you are a manager, and would like to learn a counseling technique that is appropriate for use in the work environment, reserve a seat at this workshop. You will experience a demonstration of wellness counseling with a volunteer from the audience and then have an opportunity to counsel yourself with the technique. For those interested in our more in-depth Counselor Training and Certification program, you will learn about counselor laws in the state of Hawaii, as well as how to apply for a partial work scholarship.
Saturday, September 13
1:00pm-4:00pm
Hawaii Wellness Retreat House
$40
Pre-registration Required at least four days in advance: Register Online or call 848-5544

SUNNY MASSAD, PH.D., created and trademarked this peer counseling technique called UnTherapy®, which uses the Socratic method of asking questions, to help clients adjust their attitudes and behaviors. This system is specifically designed to be used as a goal setting and strategic planning method that gives the client a personal sense of empowerment and enhances self esteem.

How to Make Peace with the "D" Word: that's "d" for discipline

2007-08-01T18:50:00.000-07:00

Clients in my private practice often report that they set goals, say affirmations, dream about the life they want to live, but rarely take the actions necessary to put those dreams and goals into motion. More and more Baby Boomers are beginning to realize that the freedom of immediate gratification they sought years ago does not necessarily result in long-term fulfillment. But regardless of your past, you have the freedom to change the way you think about discipline so that you can turn your dreams into reality.

If you value peace of mind, for example, do you spend your time and live your life in ways that guarantee that your life is peaceful? If you value beauty, do you focus your energy on perpetuating beauty all around you? The quality of your life is a direct reflection of how you spend your time and energy each moment of each day. If freedom is a high value for you, you will need to discover a way to do what you need and want to do in a way that feels freeing. For example, if you want to exercise more, it is helpful to associate a number of positive attributes with the activity; otherwise you won't go. Focusing on how good your body feels during or after the exercise, how proud you'll be for taking care of yourself this way, and maybe how you'll look when you are trimmer and firmer, instead of focusing on the time you'll lose and how you'll have to wash your hair if you exercise, can get results!

You can do and have whatever you are willing to spend time and effort pursuing. Some aspirations require total focus for specific durations of time, which means that other aspirations, including quality of life, must be delayed. But life is like gardening. Once you complete the abrasive earth moving phase and begin the planting and caretaking phases, the garden will require very little time and energy.

How to Say What You Need and Get What You Want

2007-08-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has ever met me might think I've always been confident and assertive, but that is simply not the case. I was so self-conscious and afraid of not being liked that I fainted in speech class at the very idea of expressing my own opinion to people I hardly knew. But as the years passed, I have learned how to identify my fears and compassionately address them so that I can go after what I really want instead of settling for less. Last week's Bizarre Bazaar and High Tea is a perfect example of how powerful the spoken word can be.

When it came time to decide what to do for this year's fundraiser, I clarified what I needed: a fun, creative, low cost event that a small team could put together at the Retreat House. But I didn't really have a clue about what to do. I enjoy having theme parties but until now I have only thrown them for my friends. So when it dawned on me that I could do what I already know how and like to do (throw an outrageous theme party), the creativity began flow. The committee for the event was invited to participate in the project in whatever way would be fun for them, which resulted in an involved, creative, and inspired team of gals. Because we were free to speak up and tell the truth about what we each wanted to do, this project took on a momentum of its own. What could have been a potentially stressful, boring old fundraiser, instead proved to be an alive and lucrative project from beginning to end.

If you have a habit of only knowing what you don't want, or if you want to learn how to speak up for yourself and stand strong in your own convictions without the burden of worrying about what someone else will feel about it, join me for a class that can reverse old patterns of being passive, passive aggressive, or aggressive. Learn how to be firmly and calmly assertive. An assertive person knows how to say what they need and therefore manages to get what they want, which makes for a meaningful and fulfilling life devoid of guilt and shame.

by Sunny Massad, Ph.D.Originator of UnTherapy

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Being Present

2007-07-09T19:25:00.000-07:00

BEING PRESENT
by Roshani Shay, Ph.D.

Being fully present to any single moment, truly being HERE NOW, is as easy as being aware of the next breath, and as difficult. Try a small experiment. As soon as you finish reading this paragraph, sit comfortably and begin to watch your breath coming into and going out of your body for several minutes. You may want to focus on the air as it passes through your nostrils, or on the rise and fall of your chest, or on the expansion and contraction of your belly—whichever feels most natural. Be fully present to and aware of your breath in any moment. Start now.

Be honest--how long did your presence and awareness last? Two breaths, six, ten, twenty? How long before your attention was distracted by a sound, a sight, a memory, a body sensation, a thought? Now imagine (or perhaps it is your experience) that you are also in pain—physical, emotional, and/or mental. This really challenges your ability to be present to the totality of each moment. It may seem that all that exists is the pain and that it will last forever. I know this from my own experience with bodily ailments and mental/emotional anguish. Such maladies can feel all-consuming and they don’t seem to allow for much peace in one’s life.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “What you resist persists?” That seems to be particularly true of pain—it won’t be suppressed or ignored without intensifying or maybe popping up at some other time or in some other place in the body. The next time you are in pain in some way, try another experiment. Instead of focusing on the breath, focus on the unpleasant sensation, whatever it may be. As you breathe your way through it one moment to the next, you may notice that the sensation changes. You may realize that it rises and subsides, appears and disappears, just like the breath. And you may notice that it is not the totality of what is present. A moment in pain can also be a moment in which there is also much else to enjoy—the breeze on your skin, the warmth of the sun, the smell of a flower, the song of a bird.

My own goal is to be as mindful as I possibly can of the totality of what every moment of my life offers. I may not be able to get rid of my pain, but I can work with it, accept it, become friends with it, know that it is only a small part of my life experience.

If you would like to experiment with this process of mindfulness as it can relate to stress, anxiety, emotions, relationships or pain itself and see what changes it might bring in your life, I invite you to join me for the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Program developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn. If you are interested, call 808-228-9028

Roshani Shay , Ph.D. is the Executive Director of the Hawaii Wellness Institute and former Co- Director of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Programs of Hawaii . When she discovered meditation in 1984, it provoked a major life transformation which included dropping caffeine and cigarettes, perfectionism, and a compulsion for being a workaholic. Roshani Shay has facilitated meditation workshops for more than ten years and is widely known for the way she gracefully moves through challenging situations with effectiveness and relative equanimity.

How Incredible Shrinking Women Keep the Weight Off

2007-06-25T17:42:00.000-07:00

How Incredible Shrinking Women Keep the Weight Off
by Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

The National Weight Control Registry (NWCR) studies groups of people who lose at least 30 pounds and maintain that weight loss for at least one year. Most of their “successful losers” share the same tips as those who lost inches and maintained their new body shapes as a result of classes taken at the Hawaii Wellness Institute. Those tips include:
Consuming low-fat/low calorie versions of foods they love
Eating a high fiber breakfast
Participating in more physical activity
Practicing self-monitoring (such as weighing themselves or food journaling)
Incredible shrinking women cut portion sizes and find satisfying and delicious foods that are not full of fats and sugars but use healthy substitutes. An example might include a 120 calorie piece of chocolate peanut butter pie in place of the original 550 calorie recipe. “Knowing what I can buy, cook, and eat to look and feel my best has helped me make this way of eating into a way of life,” boasted Lisa, a successful loser.

Another big reason for success is exercise. Eighty percent of the successful losers exercised three or more times a week and listed it as their number one strategy for keeping weight down. It takes conscious effort to conjure the discipline and manage the time to change a lifetime of old habits. It can be done, but it’s not easy to do alone.

If You Only had One Month Left to Live

2007-06-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

If You Only had One Month Left to Live
by Sunny Massad

“Ironically, after I have spent a year practicing dying,
the quality most noticeably enhanced is a new joy in life.”
Stephen Levine

Although our society is obsessed with a wide-ranging struggle against mortality, I have spent 17 years assisting both “terminally ill” children and adults to come to peace with the fact that they are dying. I am continually impressed with the radical life changes that some people make when faced with death. Some even report discovering their own “deathless nature” as they begin to appreciate each valued moment.

The most common regret, though, is not having expressed their deepest sentiments to or spent enough time with those whom they had so dearly loved. Many adults who lived by the notion that earning a livelihood to care for their family was their valuable contribution to their loved ones, came to the same conclusion that researchers have: that what kids and spouses want most is time and personal interaction. If you had only one month left to live, what would you do with your precious time? The answer to this question helps to reveal our most cherished values.

On his deathbed Socrates, and later the Dalai Lama, both recommended that we should “always be occupied in the practice of dying.” Stephen Levine, author of A Year to Live: How to Live this Year as if it Were Your Last, decided to dedicate a year of his life to living as if it were his last year on earth. He concluded that although he was exploring the fear of death, it was the fear of life that needed to be investigated first.

SUNNY MASSAD, PH.D., has worked very intimately with dying patients in the last hours and days of their lives to assist them with their transition, in ways similar to that of a midwife who assists with birth. She was a volunteer at HUGS, an organization that gives special care to children diagnosed with terminal illnesses, and a volunteer and teacher at Hospice Hawaii. Sunny has a gift for taking profoundly deep subjects and making them not only digestible but inviting.

How Can Meditation or Self-Hypnosis Improve the Quality of Your Life?

2007-05-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

You can co-create your life to be whatever you want it to be. Instead of just getting by and surviving, instead of feeling like you never quite measure up to your own ideal of who or where you should be in your life, you have the power to come to peace with the life you are living. Nothing can prevent you except your own limited beliefs.

You have heard this said before and yet most people report that it is not easy to break limiting beliefs and negative thought patterns. It requires vigilance, perseverance, a strong desire to be free of past conditioning, and a few tools that can make it feel effortless!

I became a certified hypnotist in the 1980’s. I have hypnotized literally thousands of people over the past twenty years and I often hypnotize myself to adjust attitudes and behaviors that are no longer useful. You hypnotize yourself every time you say, “I can’t.” You are just hypnotizing yourself in the negative!

Your own imagination is self-generating. It creates in accordance with what you believe, think, and feel, in addition to how you behave. When you focus your subconscious on what you want instead of what you don’t want, you will propel yourself toward your desired state.

Meditation differs from self-hypnosis. Whereas self-hypnosis can re-educate your unconscious to adjust attitudes and beliefs, meditation provides access to an inner experience of wholeness -- a sense that although the minds longs for more, nothing in actuality, is really missing. In the absence of the problem-generating mind, peace dwells. Meditation provides refuge from the ambitions of the mind, affording an opportunity to regenerate oneself in stillness and silence.

If you are interested in opening to the experience of authentically feeling safe, capable, and whole, meditation can afford you the opportunity by creating space for the ego/mind to quiet down and allow you to rest in the silence and stillness of your own pure essence.

Sunny Massad, Ph.D., has been a meditator for 25 years, experimenting with traditional and nontraditional methods before discovering how to tap into a meditative quality beyond all methods. In addition to her in-depth research on the subject of enlightenment, Sunny has been a hypnotherapist for 20 years.

Nourishing Your Spirit

2007-05-15T19:35:00.000-07:00

Nourishing Your Spirit by Roshani Shay, Ph.D.

You feed your body several times a day, but how often do you nourish your spirit? You exercise your mind almost constantly, but how often do you connect with your inner being?

In this hectic world our attention is drawn by all sorts of issues and tasks-clean the house, care for the children, go to work, buy the groceries, plan for the future, and on and on. Sometimes life seems like a giant “To Do List.” Sometimes we move so fast that we forget to stop and take a deep breath, to feel the warm sun on our skin, to smell the flowers and admire their colors, to experience the beauty all around us.

Former columnist Ann Landers used to advise us to “stop and smell the coffee.” She meant for us to wake up, to become aware of how we are living our lives, to stop for a reality check by taking a little time for contemplation, for self-reflection.

For physical well-being, for mental health, and for emotional balance, it is so important that we give ourselves a little time to nourish our spirits, even if we have to literally pencil it into our schedules. It is amazing the difference even a short thirty second breather can make in our lives.

Here are five ways that you can connect with your inner being without taking a lot of time:

1. Close your eyes and feel yourself completely surrounded by healing energy. Place your hand on your heart and feel love and acceptance pour into your being. Sit like this for a few minutes.

2. Take five deep breaths. On each inhalation imagine that you are breathing in all the energy, strength and vitality the universe has to offer. On each exhalation imagine that you are letting go of any tension you feel in your body and worry or anxiety you feel in your mind.

3. Take five or ten minutes to sit amidst the sound of beautiful, soft music, focusing your attention on your breath. Just breathe normally. If thoughts or emotions or body sensations try to divert your attention, simply gently refocus your awareness on your breath.

4. Whenever you are feeling stressed, whatever you are doing, just STOP for thirty seconds. Notice how deeply or shallowly you are breathing. Notice how your body is feeling. Notice if your mind is dwelling on he past or projecting into the future. Notice any sounds around you. Just be present with whatever is happening, observing yourself with non-judgment and compassion. You will feel calmness returning.

5. Take five minutes to remember a time when you were truly joyful. Close your eyes and envision what you were doing. What sounds were present; what thoughts were you having? What sensations were in your body? How did the experience of joy feel emotionally? Open your eyes and carry this feeling with you as long as you can.

Take a few minutes right now to sit with eyes closed, accessing a sense of gratitude for all the wonderful things in your life. Allow your spirit to dive into that deep sense of peace and calm that rests in the center of your being. Take this time to nourish your soul.

Healing and Self-Discovery by Linda Friedman

2007-05-02T19:01:00.000-07:00

I had a student who wanted to learn about Reiki. She expected to add a healing tool to her kit, and instead ended up re-examining her life entirely. “Jane” got a good paying job when she moved to Hawaii from the mainland. She was very happy at first. As the months passed, the situation started to change. Her lunch breaks were becoming non-existent with the increased responsibilities she was being given. Jane was in her sixties. She had never quit a job before lining up a new one. Her friends told her to be glad she even had a job. Jane took a Reiki class and quit her job. She did not have any prospects for another job lined up. Jane told me that she had developed a new sense of confidence as a result of her experience with the Reiki energy. Two months later, Jane was offered a better job than she had ever had before. She is now being paid well and feels appreciated. Jane gained the courage from the Reiki energy to stand up for herself. It is now 1 ½ years later and she is glad that she took the risk.

Reiki students often start to honestly look at their lives, sometimes for the first time. On one level, Reiki is the art of channeling universal energy for healing. But my experience has shown me that it often is much more than that. A student who is ready for the challenge will find Reiki to also be a catalyst for change. The Reiki experience is very personal. It can be an aid in your evolution. The beauty of Reiki is that it affects both physical and emotional health in a positive way.

One way that you can get a sense of the energy of Reiki for yourself is to think back to what it felt like when you first experienced falling in love. Remember that feeling of peace and connection to “all that is?” A parent feels that same sense of joy and wonder when they hold their baby. Reiki feels just like the energy of love. It has a soothing effect. Reiki is one more effective tool you can use to deal with the situations life throws at you.

Another powerful tool for relaxation and healing is reflexology. Our feet are our connection to the earth. It is also believed that they connect to the organs and glands of the body. Gentle pressure on various points of the feet can result in relief from headaches, cramps, PMS, constipation, neck and back pains, to name just a few. Try the following experiment and see what happens. The side of the big toe next to the second toe is connected to the throat. Rub and stimulate that area gently. Now, try singing and see how your voice is affected. My experience is that after 10 to 15 minutes of reflexology with focus on the side of the big toe the voice gains increased range.

Transforming Tension

2007-04-11T18:16:00.000-07:00

TRANSFORMING TENSION: Meditation and Stress Relief
by Roshani Shay, Ph.D.

Anyone who knows me would be shocked to discover that I once indulged in 60-hour work weeks, drinking endless cups of black coffee, and smoking three packs of cigarettes a day. What saved my life? What helped me to transform the tension I thought was caused by the circumstances of my life? What helped the overwork, caffeine and nicotine to drop as coping strategies? Awareness.

It was an increased ability to be aware of what was happening outside and inside of my body as it was happening, especially in stressful situations, that changed my life. Increased awareness in the present moment expands my choices of how to respond to external situations, instead of just reacting habitually and automatically in ways that are damaging to my body/mind. And how did I cultivate greater awareness? Meditation!

Many of us think we know where tension and stress come from. Ringing phones, endless e-mails, street clogging traffic, irritable or difficult spouses, kids and friends, insensitive and demanding bosses, uncooperative and unproductive co-workers, too much to do and too little time, world disasters blaring on TV every night! Right?

Hold on a minute! Is this really true? It is true that life presents challenges and plenty of stimuli that can result in tension and stress on the body/mind. But do stressful situations and people in our lives inevitably have to lead to physical aches and pains, runaway emotions, mental anguish? The answer is a resounding NO!

“…it is not the potential stressor itself but how you perceive it and then
how you handle it that will determine whether or not it will lead to stress….”
Jon Kabat-Zinn

The problem is that some of us react to our external environments in automatic, habitual ways, without realizing what damage the physical cascade of nervous system firings and release of stress hormones in the body can do. Some of us indulge this reaction and compound its negative effects on our body/minds.

Others try to internalize or suppress this stress reaction, but that can lead to increased blood pressure, cardiac and digestive problems, chronic headache, backache, sleep disorders, or anxiety. Still others respond with maladaptive coping behaviors, such as overworking, hyperactivity, overeating, or dependence on substances such as drugs, alcohol, caffeine or cigarettes.

“The problems and disturbances are all near the surface. Go deep, and you’ll find your way beyond them. The tumult and confusion can be overwhelming if you keep yourself in the middle of it. Take a step back, and give yourself some perspective.”
Ralph Marston

Many studies show that meditators display reduced stress reactivity and greater resilience (see the works of Dr. Dean Ornish or Dr. Jon Kabat-Zin, for example). Meditation practice eventually leads to the integration of calmness, spacious awareness, a sense of humor and relative equanimity in the face of everyday life. Thoughts will still come and go, emotions will come and go, body sensations will come and go, stressful situations and people will still be in your life, but the way you handle each will change. Meditation will give you the tools to prevent, release and transform tension in the body/mind.

"The Secret" on Steroids

2007-04-11T18:12:00.000-07:00

"The Secret" on Steroids by Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

With all the buzz about the popular book and video called "The Secret," a primer on the laws of attraction, more and more people are realizing that the quality and meaningfulness of their lives is directly associated with the quality of the thoughts that they think. We can individually and collectively take responsibility for our future. We can use our creative power to create the condition of our own lives and to assist in the evolution of the communities in which we live and work.

Have you noticed that when someone in a particularly foul mood enters a room, everyone in the room feels the toxicity of their presence? It feels like an energy vacuum. And likewise, when someone enters your orbit that is particularly lighthearted, they light up the room with their smile.

In the 1970's and 80's psychologists promoted the “power of positive thinking.” But in the 90’s, it became apparent that positive thinking negated authentic "negative" feelings like fear and anger. Now, the more holistic approach is to honor and listen to your so-called negative feelings and address the fears and concerns that those feelings are bringing to your conscious attention. That nagging internal voice that seemingly focuses on doom and disaster for no good reason is a survival mechanism. Fear protects us from taking risks that are are perceived to be too dangerous, whether physically or emotionally. If you are an engineer and you are worried that your bridge might fall down, those worries provoke you to take action to guard against disaster. But if you stay up at night endlessly worrying about what is going to happen to you without taking charge of your mind or your life, you may simply not know how to problem solve when you are in a fearful state.

Einstein once wisely noted that "Humankind cannot solve its problems from the same place of consciousness from which we created them. A new place of consciousness is required." As a hypnotherapist, I can say with conviction that most worry is an unconscious misuse of your imagination. You take the worst possible scenarios and scare yourself with them. Some people worry as a course of habit. Others may have had parents who were worriers, and discover that they have internalized those voices into their own heads. No matter what the cause, if you find your mind obsessing fearfully over the "what ifs" of the future, you can just as easily "what if" about potential positive outcomes. After all, when standing in the present projecting about the future, it's all just projection. Why not project in a direction that propels you to insure that you end up with the outcome you actually desire?

UnTherapy® is a process that can help you to live your life by design. A number of my clients and students who have learned how to "counsel themselves and others" have commented that the counseling skills that I have been teaching for 15 years now mirror the principles of “The Secret,” but in addition provide practical methods for re-educating and breaking free of your own and other people’s subconscious patterns. If you are ready to not merely understand those principles intellectually, but also to truly embody them and integrate them into everyday life, I invite you to learn how.

Learn How to Counsel Yourself & Others
with Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

Saturday, September 13
1:00-4:00
Hawaii Wellness Retreat House
$40

You will experience a demonstration of wellness counseling with a volunteer from the audience and then have an opportunity to counsel yourself with the technique. For those ready to use the skills to help their peers to be free, you will learn about counselor laws in the state of Hawaii, details about how our more in-depth counselor training transforms lives, as well as how to apply for a work scholarship.

For More Information: Go to: http://hawaiiwellnessinstitute.org/b_wellness_01values.html

To Register: Call 848-5544 or go to: http://hawaiiwellnessinstitute.org/coursesandeventsregistration.html

2007-01-31T18:17:00.000-08:00

Setting and Keeping Your Intentions for 2007
By Sunny Massad

It’s a new year; a perfect opportunity to begin again. Some of us will get a slow start, some of us will sprint our way into it, but all of us will hope we manage to stay focused and balanced this year, wary that we may falter if we don’t make some solid changes. When we set impossible goals for ourselves, or when we’re not honest about our problems with discipline, we’ll struggle. The key is to make little changes that will make a big difference in your quality of life. To help you get started, here are four intentions that can help get or keep you on track.

1. Cut Yourself Some Slack. If your best friends falter, you encourage them, you don’t beat them up. Learn to cultivate the same compassion for yourself! The number one reason for self sabotage is perfectionism. If you can’t do it perfectly, do it imperfectly. If you have a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad month, acknowledge that you are off track and recommit! All it takes is the intention to get back to your intention!

2. Coach Yourself! If you have a judge in your head who criticizes you for being indulgent, lazy or distracted from your true intentions, speak to that voice as though it were a nagging spouse: “Thanks for sharing, but you are wrong. I’m not lazy. I’m tired of beating myself down!” Then practice speaking to yourself more kindly by focusing on what you’re doing right instead of on what you are doing wrong. Every time you catch yourself speaking negatively to yourself, take a deep breath, apologize, and encourage yourself.

3. Move Your Body. Moving every day is an essential aspect of keeping your energy high and your spirit soaring. If you can't bear the thought of hopping on the treadmill, take an invigorating walk on the beach or in the park, take a swim, jump on a mini trampoline while watching television, or turn on some music and dance! If you're crunched for time, break up your walking into ten to fifteen minutes before work, during lunch, while shopping or going to and from your car. Walk up escalators and stairs. There are plenty of opportunities to exercise and your body will reward you for your efforts!

4. Practice Self Kindness. Begin to take care of yourself at least as well as you take care of a pet or a best friend. You would take the dog out for a walk every day and insure that s/he had good food to eat. And if your friend was sick, you’d recommend they go to bed and cozy in until it passes. Practice doing at least that much for yourself!

Software for Your Soul

2006-11-22T17:47:00.000-08:00

Software for Your Soul
by
Sunny Massad, Ph.D.

Do you feel good about living an active lifestyle? Are you pleased that you give as much of your time and energy to others as you do? As Westerners, we value being productive, efficient, multi-taskers. But when your reserves become depleted, looking outside of yourself for pleasure, validation, security or love doesn't work. You have a treasure within that not only includes all of those things, but is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.

If you have spent your life working hard and following the rules of society only to find that success is not necessarily bringing fulfillment, it may be time for some self-reflection. We know that doing, doing, doing does not necessarily result in feelings of clarity, balance, or joy. Remembering to take time just to “be” results in a radiant joy of Being and the unshakable peace that dwells deep within.

Develop the art of self-encouragement. Insure that your feelings and your lifestyle reflect the state of consciousness that you most value. If you say that you value peace, but live and work amidst noise, have the television or talk radio running in the background, find yourself in conflict with others, and rarely take a walk amidst the beauty of nature, you have to wonder what you are doing with your life. If peace is a treasured value, make time and create opportunities for yourself to drop into the intimacy of your own living, breathing Being.

The journey of life is too precious to waste on activities that don't nourish your soul. True self-care goes beyond getting your hair or nails done. True self-care begins with making time for your self, learning to talk to yourself with a voice of compassion, and immersing yourself in enriching experiences .

As Marilyn Grey once said, “No one ever has it all together. That's like trying to eat once and for all.” you next year.

2006-10-10T17:09:00.000-07:00

I CHANGED WHEN I WASN’T LOOKING
by
Roshani Shay, Ph.D.

This story is about relationship. Relationships seem to be the “Self-Growth Groups” in my life. They serve as mirrors of both the dark shadows within myself and also for the ways in which I have grown more self-assured and capable.

This summer, I found myself in a relationship with someone I met online. You see, even though I love the freedom of living alone, I was missing the verbal and physical intimacy of being in a relationship with a man. This guy seemed to be everything I was looking for—interested in spiritual growth, deeply familiar with Eastern traditions such as martial arts and meditation, financially responsible, hard working, nice looking, great smile, literate. He even knew sign language, a plus for being able to communicate with my grown son, who is deaf. Wow!

We had our first “date,” a day-long, hand-holding, talk-about-everything, seems-like- we’ve-known-each-other-forever, affectionate, honest, walk-along-the-river, eat-a couple-of-meals date. It lasted ten hours and felt like ten minutes. Both a heart connection and a physical attraction were present.

The magic continued through our second meeting. That’s what I always think it is when everything clicks—magic. And then I usually go off the deep end, enter into intense relationship, move in and only months or years later discover that I have suppressed or changed essential parts of myself to hold onto the romantic, magical dream. Only later do I see that I have made excuses for or rationalized all of the ways in which I had actually been disrespected. Only later do I see the extent to which I have “sold out” for “love.”

Well, something different happened this time, much to my surprise! I suppose the surprise came from the fact that I still hold onto old images of who I am, while the fact of the matter is that self-reflection, meditation, journaling, learning from past mistakes, and the wisdom of present friends have all contributed to enormous changes in me.

The first thing that was different was the way I was speaking to myself: “It’s too soon to tell how this relationship will be.” “I am trying hard to stay grounded in reality this time.” And “I am sufficient unto myself; I don’t actually need a man to complete me.” My attitudes and my behavior had both changed. Somehow, patterns of the past had fallen away, almost unnoticed. I began to feel that this was like a test, a final exam to see what I had learned by reviewing past relationship stories I had been in.

And a good thing, too. For the test, the challenge came all right, and big time! I went to spend a week with this man and it was a minor disaster. The day-to-day reality of being together was so different from the romantic dream. I won’t go into great detail, but suffice it to say that he had a definite and firm idea of who his ideal woman was and what his ideal future looks like. And to fit into both images I would have to change much about who I am and the future I want. I found myself feeling judged, pressured, irritated and impatient. Instead of the time we spent together being one of joyous discovery, it seemed as though we found very little to say to each other. After several days of my gut closing down and of consciously opening my heart to another try, time and again, I spoke about what I was experiencing. He countered with statements like: how could I ruin his dream?

I left the next day, knowing with certainty that there is no way I could live with this man. I have never had quite such a strong visceral gut knowing! I listened to my feelings, my intuition, and I acted to make a clean break. This was so unlike the old image I still had of myself. That old image would have continued the relationship, tried to please, tried to make it work, tried to make herself fit into his dream—just to have the companionship, just to keep the “love” alive. In the end, I actually felt proud of myself: that I had set boundaries and maintained them; that I could listen to my inner voice and have the courage to act on it.

How often do you feel that all the work you have been doing to change yourself, become the person you want to be, attain the life you want to have is not yielding results? Well, you might just be surprised at what is happening below the surface of your conscious awareness. I am sure that you, too, have learned many lessons that you do no give yourself credit for. If you are feeling stuck in old behaviors and mindsets, perhaps your self-image has not caught up with the changes that have already occurred deep within.