Expanding Your Comfort Zone

Expanding Your Comfort Zone
by Sunny Massad


Regardless of tough economic times, there are as many reasons to feel good about the future as there are reasons to fear it. You have a choice about whether to use your imagination to worry and contract or to focus on creating an expansive future. I've often said that worry is a misuse of the imagination. The mind conjures up every possible negative outcome and obsesses endlessly about them. Worry and anticipation about the future, like nostalgia and regret about the past, keep the mind obsessing, which results in living a life from the neck up. If you live “in your head” you may have a tendency to get caught in the illusion of “someday I’ll.” “Someday I’ll finally be free. Someday I’ll be able to get my life in order. Someday, when things change, I’ll be able to relax and do what I like.” Granted there are some situations in life which cause you to have to put your dreams and aspirations on hold. If you are parenting young children or care-giving for a disabled or elderly person, it is all you can do to keep up with what the present situation demands. While these examples may not relate to you personally, some people actually sign on for more and more responsibility to insure that they don’t actually ever manage to have free time. There are many reasons for this. Staying busy can serve as a strategy to feel important, to avoid personal reflection, to prevent experiencing “negative” feelings, and to keep from having to tend to other responsibilities. On the other hand, some people keep themselves genuinely busy because they choose to be inordinately responsible for one big or many smaller areas of their lives.

Sometimes, when you are caught in a pattern, whether conditions change or not, you remain the same. Whether you are a depressant who can always find reasons to justify a negative outlook on life or a “doer” who can always find an excuse to stay in a manic lifestyle, obsessive thinking in one direction or the other is generally the cause. As long as the mind generates its ceaseless tirade of fearful opinions, judgments, and drives, you will miss the opportunity to take control of your life.

Managing Your Life Compassionately

Managing Your Life Compassionately
by Sunny Massad, Ph. D.

Do you have a dream that you simply can't manifest? Are you unable to break out of your limiting beliefs and behaviors to actually start the journey to your ideal life? Do you spend more time and energy insuring that everyone else's needs are met and then discover that you consistently don't have enough time to take care of your own? Are you afraid to speak up for yourself for fear that someone else might feel badly? Such experiences can break a person's spirit.

A life of personal integrity is a life that reflects one's own personal values. If you say you value honesty but you are not honest with your own needs and desires or you break promises to yourself, you diminish your own self worth. If your life does not reflect your true priorities, if you spend your energy avoiding confrontation, and if you continue to do things for people that you don't want to do, you will feel more and more powerless.

Use these three steps to restore your integrity:

Step One: Identify your three highest personal values. Example: health, love, and freedom

Step Two: Write down all of the ways that you would like to spend your free time and energy every day to insure that your life reflects those values. Make the list as specific as possible. Example:

Health Love Freedom

walk at least 30 min day arrange family dinners schedule in beach
time
make a list of healthy meals schedule in date night spend an evening
at the library
create a shopping list organize a monthly save $ every
dinner group month for vacation
eat 8 organic fruits ask for support find a buddy to
and veggies daily with the kids kayak with

trade for regular massages reach out to old friends break ties with toxic
people

Obviously, you may not be able to relate to these particular lists because they may not reflect your particular values, but you get the idea. When you look at your list, it should make your heart sing. There may be items on the list that will be difficult to do at first, like asking others to accommodate YOUR needs for a change, but make 2009 the year that you show compassion for yourself by reclaiming your own lost dreams.

Step Three: Take out your calendar and commit your list to specific dates and times to insure that you will actually manage to do each of the items. Keep it accessible. Look at it often. Rearrange as needed. But commit to meeting your own deadlines. If you don't manage the first time, recommit! It takes practice to break old habits.

The more you practice being true to your own needs and desires, the easier it will be to say "No" to the things that don't reflect your values and the closer you will be to living with integrity.

Emotional Survival 101

Emotional Survival 101
by Sunny Massad

When I was young, like so many people, I developed strategies to emotionally survive. I conjured a tough persona so that no one would know how truly sensitive and vulnerable I really was. But I discovered that the very strategy that I developed to free me and to keep me safe, actually threw me into emotional bondage. While my intention was to protect my heart from pain, I ended up isolated and alone because I was unable and unwilling to let anyone in.

If you cannot express how you feel or what you believe to someone because you are afraid of their response, you are allowing yourself to be controlled by your own fear. If you have been swallowing your feelings to protect the feelings of others, ask yourself what are you really afraid of? You deserve to be respected for your opinions. But how will anyone ever know who you really are if you do not risk showing them?

If you want to live an authentic, soul-directed life, you will have to stop trying to manipulate others to like and approve of you. You will need to allow them to have their own feelings even if those feelings include disappointment, hurt or anger. When you relinquish control, you will be emotionally free, your heart will sing, and creativity will flow! If people in your life leave you because you are being authentic, they are not kindred spirits. In your authenticity, you will find others who vibrate at the same frequency as you and you will finally be able to experience authentic intimacy.

If you want to explore this subject more deeply, join me on Monday, February 2, for the first of the series of free workshops entitled Coping Skills for Trying Times, followed by a $25 support group for anyone who wants to work experientially. Mark your calendars and call the Hawaii Wellness Institute for reservations at 848-5544. Space is limited, advance registration is recommended.

The location of the following FREE lectures and experiential workshops is the ING Direct Cafe building at 1958 Kalakaua Avenue. If the ING parking lot is full, there is inexpensive paid parking across the street in the old Jack in the Box lot.

Week 1
Emotional Survival 101: Monday, February 2 , 5:30 - 6:15 pm FREE
Learn how to calm your mind, change your feelings, and take charge of your emotional state.
Emotional Survival 101 Motivational Support Group: Monday, February 2, 6:30 - 8:00pm $25
Put what you learned in the free lecture into practice with self-reflection exercises and
experiential learning opportunities.


Week 2
Controlling Anxiety and Insomnia: Monday, February 9, 5:30 - 6:15pm FREE
Learn how to identify and reverse the thoughts that create anxiety and consider alternatives to prescription sleep aids, including self-hypnosis.
Controlling Anxiety and Insomnia Motivational Support Group: Monday, February 9, 6:30-8:00 $25
Take the opportunity to work with your specific issues in a group setting and learn effective strategies used by others.

Week 3
Managing Your Life Compassionately: Tuesday, February 17 , 5:30 - 6:15pm FREE
Learn how to reverse self-sabotaging behaviors by practicing self-care so that you can function more optimally to meet your responsibilities.
Managing Your Life Compassionately Motivational Support Group: Monday, February 16, 6:30-8:00 pm $25
If you don't take good care of your body, join us to get to the root of the self-neglect so that you can become motivated to be and do better.


Week 4
Expanding Your Comfort Zone: Monday, February 23 , 5:30-6:15pm FREE
Learn how to make difficult and scary behaviors safer and more comfortable so you can stretch yourself to do new things.
Expanding Your Comfort Zone Motivational Support Group: Monday, February 23, 6:30-8:00pm $25
You will work privately to identify and resolve the fears that keep you from "living bigger."


Week 5
Turning Apathy into Action: Monday, March 2, 5:30 - 6:15pm FREE
Learn how to lift depression, motivate yourself to get out of a rut, and restore your passion for life.
Turning Apathy into Action Motivational Support Group: Monday, March 2, 6:30 - 8:00pm $25
If you have a habit of procrastinating and you are ready to reverse the habit, this workshop will assist you in creating a plan that works for your own timeline.